40 Lessons

Now that I have turned 40, I've been looking back on my life and thinking about "lessons" I wish my younger self knew. Or truths that I've collected along the way I wish I knew then. Here's my list of things that I'm sure would've made my life much easier! The best thing I can do now is share them with you ... and write (type!) them down for my kids. Maybe it'll encourage and help them, as well as you, in this thing called Life.

1.   Trust your gut. It's always right.
2.   Kindness goes a long way.
3.   You are stronger and braver than you think.
4.   Crying is very healing; so is laughter.
5.   Perspective is everything.
6.   Never stop learning. No education is wasted.
7.   You can do and be anything you put your mind to.
8.   Stop worrying about what others think of you.
9.   A smile can change someone's whole day.
10. You are never alone, even when it feels like it.
11. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
12. No matter what happens, life must go on.
13. Love is healing; so are hugs.
14. Forgiveness is hard, but freeing. 
15. Life is about change. Roll with the punches.
16. We are to learn from our mistakes and failures. It's all about the lesson. Have no regrets
17. Be in the moment. It's gone in a flash.
18. Gratitude & thankfulness will lift you out of a bad mood every time.
19. The truth will set you free.
20. Tell people you love them ... often.
21. Never be afraid to cry in front of others.
22. Grief is a hard thing to get through, but you will.
23. When you have nothing left, there is always hope.
24. Don't make assumptions. Ask questions.
25. Never take your health for granted.
26. Find the job you love and can get paid for.
27. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
28. The Serenity Prayer is worth memorizing. So is Psalm 23.
29. Be nice to yourself.
30. If you've done the best you can, then that's enough.
31. Family is the most important thing. It's where your story begins.
32. You'll learn who your friends really are during the hardest times in your life.
33. If you don't learn the lesson, it'll just keep showing itself again and again.
34. It's okay to change your mind.
35. Never let anyone challenge your 'No.'
36. Sometimes you have to just do it afraid.
37. Don't forget to enjoy the journey. Life is short.
38. Never stop being curious.
39. Learn to laugh at yourself and life. Stop taking life so seriously.
40. Have fun along the way.

Choose Joy

Last year at this time I made a New Year's resolution to pursue shalom. You can read about it here. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "resolution" per se. It's more like a new beginning.

For 2012, I'm setting my theme as "Choose Joy," in dedication to a fellow blogger I never met or talked to, but learned a great deal from her. I am dedicating this post to her; she passed away in 2011.

When I first started getting into reading blogs a few years ago, I happened to come across hers & was stunned into silence (& conviction) when I read her story. As she was also struggling with chronic illness, I was drawn to her attitude and how she managed to stay positive in such dire circumstances.

Her name was Sara or Gitzen Girl, and because of her disease she wasn't able to leave her home at all. She could go to her doctor's appointments, but then would pay for it days afterward. She dealt with daily chronic excruciating pain yet didn't complain. She touched the world through her blog.

As I reflect back on 2011, I had many ups & downs, and I've had to ask myself if I did receive the peace I was after. I think for me peace has been this simple trust in life unfolding how it is suppose to and that it is all good.

I was challenged in a whole different way and on a whole different level after meeting Breoine and his family and what transpired because of it. I am extremely grateful that that situation ended peacefully.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

Christmas was my Mom's favorite time of year. She just loved everything about this season from the decorating, shopping, wrapping ... all of it! The Christmas music of Elvis Presley and the like would start right up after Thanksgiving and play nonstop. She'd start shopping and wrapping and hiding gifts long before the holiday, like a busy little elf.

Plus, she took great pleasure in always writing "From: Santa" on each present and would never, ever fess up to the truth.

Even as adults when we all voted to stop gift exchanges for us & just focus on the kids, she'd protest mightily. It simply brought her great joy trying to find that perfect gift for her loved ones. Gift cards or cash just wouldn't do. She put much thought into each gift ... each person ... trying to find that perfect gift that would light up their face.

Interestingly enough, she was never concerned with what or if she got anything in return. Kind of a 'mom thing' I think. But ... of course! We loved seeing her face light up when someone bought her a new bell to go into her curio cabinet or a new pair of her favorite colored (blue) pajamas.

It didn't take much to bring a smile to her face at this time of year that was always so nice to see.

I miss her more during December than at Mother's Day since her death in 2007.  Maybe it is because her birthday was on the 14th or maybe it is because when I think back over my childhood, my very best & happiest memories were at Christmastime.

Christmas is just different if you've lost a parent(s) to death or otherwise. It feels like there is this big puzzle, and a piece is missing. Because there is something missing. 

There is nothing else that can fill it.

My loss reminds me that there are many others experiencing this same sadness at this time of year. Just a few weeks ago, a fitness instructor at the gym I go to announced her father had passed away from terminal cancer. I ran into her a few days ago and knew the only words I could say were I understand and You aren't alone. With tears in both of our eyes, we connected, in a way, that only those experiencing this type of loss can truly understand.

Amongst all of the fun, happy music, shopping & wrapping, and the baking of cookies ... it reminds me that behind the smiles there are many hurting hearts. That just "maybe" the store clerk's lack of a smile goes beyond just job stress and irritation.

That's when I try to offer a kind hello and a smile. Just because. And most of the time, it does the trick.

Pure, sweet, simple kindness has a way of doing that.

So as we put up our "real" Christmas tree this year, and I pulled out my old familiar picture ornament of my Mom to hang up, I was reminded of this poem that I wanted to share with you. If you are missing a loved one this year, I hope it brings you comfort, too.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
and all your cares
I'll even remind you to please
say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place

You don't have to be
perfect all the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue
to climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my Christmas
with Jesus this year.

~John Mooney

Missing you Mom!