The Job I Had to Add to My Resume

Since September, I've been working at my kids' school, Heritage Christian Schools, as their Substitute Teacher Coordinator.  It has been a bit stressful at times in the early morning hours, and I had to report several times to the principals (yikes!), "Sorry, I don't have a sub for you today."  It always worked out, as it always does.  Now that they've hired two more subs, my life should be much easier!  It is the perfect job for someone like me who is up at the break of dawn, plus I recruited a long time friend of our family, and I think it'll be a great fit.  Plus, you know...it's my kids' school... I want to help out.

I've, also, been a mystery shopper since February.  I am an Independent Contractor, who is hired by companies to pose as a mystery shopper to improve their customer service and enhance their business.  My assignments have taken me on adventures from car dealerships to banks, gyms, restaurants, jewelry shops, phone shops, audits, photo shoots, furniture stores, apartments, and many more.  I even got to drive several brand new Porsche's...cool!  It is a fun job where I feel like I am contributing to improving customer service in some way.  I am told that my reports are read by management, as well as the employee I reviewed.  I would say that's a good thing, as I'm honest and thorough. 

I decided to take my experience and skills to the next level, and I have recently have been hired as a Scheduler at  A Closer Look, a mystery shopping company that I shop for.  I am in charge of assigning shoppers to fill the mystery shopping assignments all over the US and Canada.

It has been an interesting and new experience; however, I'm not sure that it is the best 'fit' for me, so I began the process of updating my resume.  I've had several part-time jobs over the years, but, my full-time job has always been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years.  The one job that I've given my everything to...150% of me.  Some call it Homemaker.  I like to call it Domestic Engineer.  I think that pretty much sums it up.

This "job" of mine for the past 18 years has been the most challenging, humbling, skill building, longest, hardest, interesting, fun, but most fulfilling job that I've ever had.

One that I wouldn't trade for anything.

How could I not add it to my resume? The one job that I give thanks to God for every single day?

So, why does it feel like it is frowned upon in the professional world?  Or it doesn't get the respect it deserves?  Or I need to leave it out of my resume?  Why does the energy feel 'odd' when I tell people that I am a stay-at-home mom? 

I decided that my most up-to-date resume needed to be the truth.  I felt that I needed to add it.  Had to.
It now reads:

WORK HISTORY

10/1996 to Current

Domestic Engineer

• Maintain an orderly house, duties include vacuuming, mopping, dusting, laundry, dishes, picking up clothes and trash and removing stains from the carpet and furniture.
• Develop recipes, plan menus, shop for food inventory and prepare meals to provide a well-balanced, healthy diet for adults and kids.
•  Plan, organize and coordinate birthday celebrations, sleepovers and holidays events.
•  Assist and manage kid's homework, school projects, and recreational activities.
•  Teach, guide and model a life based on values and morals.
•  Create and balance a budget, pay bills and identify cost-saving opportunities.
•  Serve as a chauffeur transporting kids to and from doctor appointments, school, shopping and   play dates.

I took out "scrubbing toilets" just because ;)  The list does go on and on,  but I ran out of room.  I don't know where this resume will take me.  Maybe nowhere.  But then again, maybe somewhere.  I am good with being a Scheduler for now.  I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Teaching.   I'd like to try Editing again.  Get more skilled at photography.  It is a good thing to have dreams; things to look forward to.

What I do know for sure, is that my resume is now complete, but not finished.  And then again, I got my Domestic Engineering job to 'fall back on' where there is never a dull moment, a moment to be missed or one to be incredibly thankful for.  One that I wouldn't necessarily call a "job," but rather a privilege and an honor. 

When Your Best Is Not Enough

I spent the last month in rigorous training for an Editor position through one of the mystery shop companies I shop for. It has been a stressful, to say the least. First off, I never should have signed up for a new job when my kids were still home from school, and while we were in the midst of summer activities. It was hard to keep my mind focused on learning a new job, but I decided to stick it out.

So I spent this last month brushing up on all of the grammar, capitalization and punctuation "rules" that I haven't visited in a long time. I was loving every minute of it. What threw me was how steep the learning curve was to this job. It was much, much more than just correcting grammar mistakes. The amount of  attention to detail that this job required was overwhelming. And this comes from a very detailed-oriented person.

I LOVE the written word ( as if you didn't know that by now). I've kept journals all of my life. I love it when my kids have a report they want me to "correct." I love catching misspellings, grammar mistakes and flow. I am the first to notice when a sign is misspelled! It drives me crazy. I will stress about where the comma or semicolon should go. I text out words as much as I can. Call me a ' geek,' and I'd probably agree with you.

I got this love for the English language from my all-time-favorite teacher, Miss Roybal. I remember spending time during recess or after school just talking about another way to 'word' something. I love it when I come across a word I can't spell. It challenges me each and every time. The most recent word was anesthesiologist (a tough one right?). Now I won't forget it :)

The final "test" for this position was yesterday, and last night I got an email that I failed it.

Yep! Failed. The email was a See-ya, have-a-nice-life type.

Phew! I was really looking forward to being an Editor. This has been a tough one to swallow. I went into the test with the resolve to "do the best I can" despite all of the challenges along the way. I already had jumped through many hoops just to get the chance despite the little money I was getting paid. I knew going into the test that I was against many odds.

In the hours since that email, I've had a lot of time to think and contemplate. I am thankful to my loved ones who knew the right things to say to me afterwards. I am thankful for the encouragement along the way. I am thankful for the BIG hugs from my family last night.

This whole experience got me thinking about this small little book on my bookshelf called, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Luiz. It is a sweet treasure. If you have the time to read it, please do. One of the agreements the author says in his book to living a life full of joy and happiness is, "Always do your best." He has three other agreements that will transform your life.

When I think about this test,  I know that I gave it 100% of me. I tried. I gave it my all. I hit that "submit report" button, and I knew that I did the best I could.

But....What if your best is not good enough? Then what?

That's when phrases like, It wasn't meant to be, and God's got something better in store for you, and Their loss and I believe in you and When God closes a door, He opens a window, and What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger all float into my mind. All advice from the people who love me. But essentially I take in this truth:

In God's eyes, my best is enough.

In the end though, it comes down to what I believe about this trial in my life and God's place in it. In the big scheme of things, does this job really matter? Do I believe that God is in control or not?

And I have a funny feeling that the lessons learned through all of this are going to far outweigh the disappointment. Interestingly enough, I caught a glimpse of this in the sky last night after my news:

I choose to believe the promise of the rainbow: 

Remembering that God loves me, and that no matter how bad the storm, there will always come a bright new day.

I hope you believe this, too.

The Dark Side of Depression

In honor of Robin Williams, I am finally blogging about something that I've been meaning to do for a long time. The 'good' thing about his death, if there is such a thing, is that we are talking about it.

The whole world is taking notice. Someone in the U.S. dies from suicide every 15 minutes, according to the Center for Suicide Awareness. Depression is no respecter of persons, and I am one of those persons. I am sharing my story hoping that it will bring understanding to this serious mental health problem. If you are going through it yourself, I hope you can find the courage to get help. If you know someone that is suffering from depression, I can offer you something called hope.

I speak from years of experience.

My first bout with depression beyond just the" blues" was when I was a junior in high school. I did not know what it was called or how to treat it. No one knew what to do for me. My parents tried, my teachers tried.... I only knew that I could not stop crying no matter what I tried. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I didn't even know "why" I was in such despair and hopelessness. I thought switching schools that year would help. It did in that it distracted me from it.

When I turned 18, I was able to start seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed me medication. It was a rough start, but the medication and therapy helped pull me out of that pit of hell. That is what I like to call it.

As the years went by, I had to stop the medication for a variety of  reasons. I continued with counseling, both secular and christian, to help me deal with the next episode, and then the next one, and the next one... I was also dealing with some deep emotional issues and trauma from my childhood, the devastating loss of  five children in one year and the loss of my mom to cancer in 2007.  

I managed to work through it while being diagnosed with diseases that were causing all of my symptoms: Lyme disease, Celiac disease, Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism, Addison's disease and heavy metal toxicity. The years of treatment for these diseases took a major toll on my mind, body and spirit. Even though I now had a "cause," I wasn't getting better from any of it. The 30+ doctors that I saw were spinning me in circles. I was just trying to get through each day. Depression was an ever present reality in my life once again.

It was hard to talk about because of the stigma behind just the 'word' depression. I felt like it was a secret I had to keep from others. I did not want to appear weak. I felt so misunderstood, ashamed and alone. I couldn't just 'snap out of it' like people would tell me to do.

In 2010, I began to fall deeper and deeper into that pit again. I began to lose interest in activities and friends. I wanted to be alone. I cried all of the time. I could not get out of bed. I could not sleep or eat. I lost a lot of weight. I lost all enjoyment of anything in my life.  I began to think about suicide, and then I began talking about it to the people closest to me. It was my cry for help. I didn't want to die, but I also didn't want to live. I just wanted my suffering to end. The people in my life who knew my struggle tried to do what they could for me, but they were left feeling helpless, too.

I got caught up in the roller coaster of trying to find the "right" anti-depressant medication, which is all too common. One stopped working and the next one caused terrible side effects. I was told to give each one at least 3 weeks to "work." That felt like an eternity to me. So when one didn't help, I'd move onto the next one. All in all, I spent six months trying five different medications. It was a long, agnonizing process.

Thankfully, and after many prayers, I knew which friend to call who had walked a similar road as I. I took his advice, and I asked Mark to take me to a psychiatric hospital. In hindsight, I know it took tremendous courage on my part to ask for help. I didn't feel courageous at the time. I only felt desperate. I needed some serious help.  It was not a good experience there; however, the doctors discovered that my thyroid was not functioning once again, and they got me on the right track with the right medications. For this, I am so thankful.

I remember a few weeks later, Mark saying to me, "Lori, you are finally back." It was that life changing. I felt like I had been looking at the world through a cloudy fog, and now I could see clearer. I felt lighter and free, all by God's grace.

Today, I am able to say without any shame or condemnation that, "Prozac saved my life," but in reality, it is God who I give the praise and glory to. Always. There are doctors and medications available for a reason. I like to call them gifts. If I had diabetes, and I needed insulin, no one would blink an eye. Why is our brain any different? Why does this subject have to be so difficult to talk about?

Medication doesn't always work for people and many times it stops working. It has happened to me. I've known many where this has been their truth, and they get stuck. It isn't the only answer. For me, I have to write, talk it out, be in nature, pray, listen to music, garden, express gratitude, hug my kids and animals. It is not easy keeping the depression at bay. For me, it is always lingering. I am always on the edge of being on that cliff once again. 

No one should be ashamed of walking into a counselor's office or have these stigmas blocking us from seeking help. For all you know, the person next to you who has a huge smile on their face is struggling beyond anything you can imagine. What they need is compassion, not judgment. 

No one has ever been changed by judgment.

I know there is help. I know there is healing. And I know that the journey isn't meant to walk alone. If you are in the throws of this mental illness or something similar, please know that you aren't alone. If you are trying to help someone through it, what they need to hear more than anything is, "I am here for you, and everything is going to be okay." 

Because it will be. I pray you find the strength. I pray you find the only One who can free you.

I will leave you with this powerful quote:

"What shames us, what we most fear to tell, does not set us apart from others; it binds us together if only we take the risk to speak it." ~Starhawk