And So He Sleeps...

I am writing this post at 6 PM on a Saturday night. We have three kids that keep us spinning in circles so we thought pizza and a movie night would be the perfect, relaxing thing to do tonight.  We popped in the movie Frozen, provided Little Caesar's pizza, bread sticks and soda for everyone.  Food devoured, interest lost...one by one, the kids left the living room.  I kinda lost interest in the movie, too (sorry!)  Mark and I were left alone.  I thought to myself; That worked out kind of nice! because we got a "date night," even at home. Nice!  I thought. I think those parents with kids will understand.

While Mark and I finished watching Frozen, he quickly fell fast asleep, snoring included.  Honestly, at first, I was a bit irritated.  I thought the usual things like Really?! He fell asleep on me on a Saturday "date" night?! and What if this were our very first date or even third? Really?!  I got up to go huff and puff in the kitchen, and then I got my reality check.  I like to call it 'conviction.'  Ugh!  Don't you just love & hate when that happens?

I walked into the living room and watched him sleeping in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, and I thought to myself, How dare I complain about anything for one second? I was humbled faster than a millisecond.  I looked at my husband of almost 20 years (December 3rd) and the father of my children; I know full well what he has given of himself to me and our family. The sacrifices he has made for us.

For me.

I think of the long hours he worked this week without complaint of any kind.  All of these years.  I think of how stressful his job is, but he doesn't let it show.  He is really good at accepting what is.  His faith is strong and genuine.  His demeanor is the same today as it was yesterday, and it will be tomorrow.  He always puts us first. I think about all of these years that I've been sick, and he's picked up the slack.

I remember how he cooks dinner for us every night (he enjoys it...really!), and he makes sure we sit down together as a family because that is what is most important to him.  I think of him skipping his hunting trip to drive Matthew to the Amtrak station this morning for his senior trip to Colorado...his saying goodbye to our eldest, for us.  And me... understanding every emotion he felt (I had to say my good-bye at home). Then, Mark picked up our nephew from his house for a sleepover,  I watched him pay bills this afternoon (ugh! stressful!). And then, he went to pick up dinner for us.  Phew!

And so, he sleeps and I allow him to on our Saturday "date" night because I am so glad and thankful for the gift of him in our lives.  All that I have been given that I don't feel I deserve.  It doesn't go unnoticed or not appreciated.  I bless him in return by not waking him up, keeping the kids quiet, and not ever saying a word about our "date night."  I think he'll appreciate that ;)

The Job I Had to Add to My Resume

Since September, I've been working at my kids' school, Heritage Christian Schools, as their Substitute Teacher Coordinator.  It has been a bit stressful at times in the early morning hours, and I had to report several times to the principals (yikes!), "Sorry, I don't have a sub for you today."  It always worked out, as it always does.  Now that they've hired two more subs, my life should be much easier!  It is the perfect job for someone like me who is up at the break of dawn, plus I recruited a long time friend of our family, and I think it'll be a great fit.  Plus, you know...it's my kids' school... I want to help out.

I've, also, been a mystery shopper since February.  I am an Independent Contractor, who is hired by companies to pose as a mystery shopper to improve their customer service and enhance their business.  My assignments have taken me on adventures from car dealerships to banks, gyms, restaurants, jewelry shops, phone shops, audits, photo shoots, furniture stores, apartments, and many more.  I even got to drive several brand new Porsche's...cool!  It is a fun job where I feel like I am contributing to improving customer service in some way.  I am told that my reports are read by management, as well as the employee I reviewed.  I would say that's a good thing, as I'm honest and thorough. 

I decided to take my experience and skills to the next level, and I have recently have been hired as a Scheduler at  A Closer Look, a mystery shopping company that I shop for.  I am in charge of assigning shoppers to fill the mystery shopping assignments all over the US and Canada.

It has been an interesting and new experience; however, I'm not sure that it is the best 'fit' for me, so I began the process of updating my resume.  I've had several part-time jobs over the years, but, my full-time job has always been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years.  The one job that I've given my everything to...150% of me.  Some call it Homemaker.  I like to call it Domestic Engineer.  I think that pretty much sums it up.

This "job" of mine for the past 18 years has been the most challenging, humbling, skill building, longest, hardest, interesting, fun, but most fulfilling job that I've ever had.

One that I wouldn't trade for anything.

How could I not add it to my resume? The one job that I give thanks to God for every single day?

So, why does it feel like it is frowned upon in the professional world?  Or it doesn't get the respect it deserves?  Or I need to leave it out of my resume?  Why does the energy feel 'odd' when I tell people that I am a stay-at-home mom? 

I decided that my most up-to-date resume needed to be the truth.  I felt that I needed to add it.  Had to.
It now reads:

WORK HISTORY

10/1996 to Current

Domestic Engineer

• Maintain an orderly house, duties include vacuuming, mopping, dusting, laundry, dishes, picking up clothes and trash and removing stains from the carpet and furniture.
• Develop recipes, plan menus, shop for food inventory and prepare meals to provide a well-balanced, healthy diet for adults and kids.
•  Plan, organize and coordinate birthday celebrations, sleepovers and holidays events.
•  Assist and manage kid's homework, school projects, and recreational activities.
•  Teach, guide and model a life based on values and morals.
•  Create and balance a budget, pay bills and identify cost-saving opportunities.
•  Serve as a chauffeur transporting kids to and from doctor appointments, school, shopping and   play dates.

I took out "scrubbing toilets" just because ;)  The list does go on and on,  but I ran out of room.  I don't know where this resume will take me.  Maybe nowhere.  But then again, maybe somewhere.  I am good with being a Scheduler for now.  I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Teaching.   I'd like to try Editing again.  Get more skilled at photography.  It is a good thing to have dreams; things to look forward to.

What I do know for sure, is that my resume is now complete, but not finished.  And then again, I got my Domestic Engineering job to 'fall back on' where there is never a dull moment, a moment to be missed or one to be incredibly thankful for.  One that I wouldn't necessarily call a "job," but rather a privilege and an honor. 

When Your Best Is Not Enough

I spent the last month in rigorous training for an Editor position through one of the mystery shop companies I shop for. It has been a stressful, to say the least. First off, I never should have signed up for a new job when my kids were still home from school, and while we were in the midst of summer activities. It was hard to keep my mind focused on learning a new job, but I decided to stick it out.

So I spent this last month brushing up on all of the grammar, capitalization and punctuation "rules" that I haven't visited in a long time. I was loving every minute of it. What threw me was how steep the learning curve was to this job. It was much, much more than just correcting grammar mistakes. The amount of  attention to detail that this job required was overwhelming. And this comes from a very detailed-oriented person.

I LOVE the written word ( as if you didn't know that by now). I've kept journals all of my life. I love it when my kids have a report they want me to "correct." I love catching misspellings, grammar mistakes and flow. I am the first to notice when a sign is misspelled! It drives me crazy. I will stress about where the comma or semicolon should go. I text out words as much as I can. Call me a ' geek,' and I'd probably agree with you.

I got this love for the English language from my all-time-favorite teacher, Miss Roybal. I remember spending time during recess or after school just talking about another way to 'word' something. I love it when I come across a word I can't spell. It challenges me each and every time. The most recent word was anesthesiologist (a tough one right?). Now I won't forget it :)

The final "test" for this position was yesterday, and last night I got an email that I failed it.

Yep! Failed. The email was a See-ya, have-a-nice-life type.

Phew! I was really looking forward to being an Editor. This has been a tough one to swallow. I went into the test with the resolve to "do the best I can" despite all of the challenges along the way. I already had jumped through many hoops just to get the chance despite the little money I was getting paid. I knew going into the test that I was against many odds.

In the hours since that email, I've had a lot of time to think and contemplate. I am thankful to my loved ones who knew the right things to say to me afterwards. I am thankful for the encouragement along the way. I am thankful for the BIG hugs from my family last night.

This whole experience got me thinking about this small little book on my bookshelf called, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Luiz. It is a sweet treasure. If you have the time to read it, please do. One of the agreements the author says in his book to living a life full of joy and happiness is, "Always do your best." He has three other agreements that will transform your life.

When I think about this test,  I know that I gave it 100% of me. I tried. I gave it my all. I hit that "submit report" button, and I knew that I did the best I could.

But....What if your best is not good enough? Then what?

That's when phrases like, It wasn't meant to be, and God's got something better in store for you, and Their loss and I believe in you and When God closes a door, He opens a window, and What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger all float into my mind. All advice from the people who love me. But essentially I take in this truth:

In God's eyes, my best is enough.

In the end though, it comes down to what I believe about this trial in my life and God's place in it. In the big scheme of things, does this job really matter? Do I believe that God is in control or not?

And I have a funny feeling that the lessons learned through all of this are going to far outweigh the disappointment. Interestingly enough, I caught a glimpse of this in the sky last night after my news:

I choose to believe the promise of the rainbow: 

Remembering that God loves me, and that no matter how bad the storm, there will always come a bright new day.

I hope you believe this, too.