A Tribute to my Mom & Back to Blogging!

I haven't "blogged" in a long, long time, but feel inspired to write today, which is the 7-year anniversary of my mom's death. I pondered many times about what to "do" with this blog, Healing Begins, which I started so many years ago. I never received healing from Lyme disease I had hoped & prayed I would receive. Instead, I've learned to simply, "live with it." What so many of us with chronic illness live with day after day. Some with "labels" that we don't really want to talk about, yet alone, think about ourselves.

We are the ones with the invisible illnesses that suffer within, but no one would know it from the outside. In fact, we try to 'cover it up' so other people don't know what we are going through. "Look strong," even if you don't feel it. I suspect that is what my Mom lived with, but what no one knew about. Not anyone, sadly.

So, I stopped writing, at least in 'blog' form, and felt that I had nothing else to add to my Story. The truth is, I was sick of hearing myself talk and write about being sick when so many other people were suffering from much more than I, and my healing wasn't coming. I felt like I had nothing to offer anyone. I had compassion, empathy and understanding to give, but no answers. No treatments to "try." Nothing I could say "worked for me," except prayer.

I keep up with my loads of medications, but long ago, I gave up "trying" something else to cure me of chronic Lyme disease and the many autoimmune diseases it brings along with it. I've accepted God's will for my life. I take it one day at a time. Is there any other choice?

I love my doctor, Dr. Glenn Toth, who is knowledgeable, compassionate, and kind. He has been more than willing to try 'something else' every time I visit, but it is I, who am not willing. Not anymore. After seeing over 30 doctors since 2006, I've been simply, worn out. That I can get out of bed and live my Life...I am grateful.

Recently, I've had several dear people in my Life  encourage me to keep on with 'my writing' in someway. I've wrestled with a few ideas. I've looked into an editor position for one of my mystery shopping companies. I've considered taking a writing or editing course. I still don't have peace about any direction, but to write here for now. I am currently writing reports for my mystery shopping job. So there is that. And I have never stopped writing in journals or could even possibly think about doing that.

While we were doing spring cleaning, Megan discovered my huge mounting of journals in my closet. Several had tumbled to the floor. She said, "Oh my goodness, are those ALL of your journals?" I, naturally, gulped and said, "Yeah, they sure are." I guess that writing has been healing for me after all.

I've realized that I don't need to know the reason to keep blogging for right now. I have no idea if I will keep the title or not. Change it to something else? Who knows? Keep the same picture? I might as well...I am in my 30's still in that one! I can't even figure out how to get the music player to work!? for Pete's sake! I'm settled with not changing a thing for now.

I do know for sure that I need to blog, if not for myself, then for someone else.

Today, is as good as any other, to start again.

My mom is, somehow, from up Above encouraging me to tell the Story.

Thank you for being a listening ear.

http://www.lorianngrade.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-mothers-eulogy.html