It Is What It Is

I love to run. Not a friendly stroll through the park or jog or walk. I mean.... RUN. I have been running as my means of exercise for over 20 years. It was Mark who introduced me to it from his Army days. We use to run together blasting the Styx's and the BoDeans. Great motivational music to keep us going. I still play those songs today.

The years flew by, and I needed to stop running for periods of time (pregnancy, injury etc.). However, in March 2013, I began again after months of being bedridden. I always needed to start very slowly. Run a minute, walk a minute. Out of breath, ready to quit. But I'd push myself to keep going. Time and time again.

Everything hurt. It sucked to breathe. I hated it, but loved it at the same time.

I ran my "usual" route and after much stopping and walking, I finally made it around the loop to the end. "Okay, I got through that," I thought. I began to do more and more each time until I reached three miles. It was a good place to be.

You see, running isn't just exercise for me, but rather, therapy. Been there, done that with many therapists over the years, yet I learned that I processed my emotions in this simple movement of my body so much better than therapy. Other "runners" understand this.

I realized that when I run is when I  most feel alive. I can hear the earth pounding beneath my feet; I feel the burn of my muscles; the sun on my face; I connect with the earth...Thanking Him for what I can do...Asking Him to give me strength. 

I breathe in fresh, clean air. The sweat is pouring down my face. And I think. I pray. I process.

I do this all through running. Others do it differently. All is okay.

I ran my very first "run" last June with my friend, Courtney. She challenged me to run the 10K Rock n' Sole at the lakefront and over the Hoan bridge. It was fun and exhilarating, and the most I've ever run. We weren't the "best" or "worst" time-wise, but we finished; that's all that mattered. I loved the experience.

I planned ahead and realized that the next Rock n' Sole was on my 42nd birthday, June 14th, interestingly enough. I immediately registered. I wanted to "beat" my time from last year. A goal I set, which is so important to do.

But God sometimes has a different plan.

Pain has been present in my right leg over a year in some fashion. Either it was my knees, or my shin, or calf. I was still able to run through it until April. Yeah...maybe I could've taken it easy. The combination of running in old running shoes to switching to new ones, plus my injuries, led to a huge problem. Yes, I've learned my lesson.

I realized  God is good at getting me still. After all, He does tell us to "Be still and know that He is God." I have that verse stenciled on the wall in our bedroom. It is a constant reminder of what I need to know and remember.

After months of chiropractic therapy, I wasn't getting any better. Through the encouragement of a friend, I made an appointment with a Sports Medicine Physician at Froedert Hospital. She had the name of someone, "good." I really resisted going to this appointment. I thought many times of canceling. After all, I wasn't too fond of doctors of any kind.

I ended up going and found out I have a stress fracture above my ankle. I needed 2 MRI's to see the severity. Never expected that. Thought she'd just tell me to "take it easy" like all of the others. I had an answer and a plan. All very, very good. I just needed to give it time.

I can't run. My love. My therapy. My ability to feel alive. My friend, Jackie, will put my bib number around her neck and run for me in my honor. She will run it well.

I, however, look to Someone else to meet this need of mine. And He does faithfully.

I realized, once again, how much you don't really miss something until it's gone. And I am not talking just about running here. I've come to accept that I need to accept what is. Accept what I cannot change. Embrace the good that I have in my life. Not being able to run is very minor compared to what others are going through. I realize that. Several people I know are waiting on a cancer diagnosis or waiting to start the treatment for it. There are those counting down to the end of their days. There is no room for complaint in my Life.

It is only another reminder that I have no control of my life. None of us does. We either trust something or someone.

It's that simple.