I have owned many pets in my life...cats, dogs, hamsters, birds...even a snake! I tend to be more of a cat person, but oh! - what I have learned from my dogs is priceless.
Our first family dog was named Dusty. She was a Springer Spaniel and what a delight she was! We use to put pink bows in her ears and pretend she was our playmate. She was a good sport about it most of the time. We knew when she had enough. Then my parents decided to breed her and our house became a place filled with puppy smells, noises, and chaos...what fun!
My dad was an avid hunter and Dusty was a birthday gift to him from my mom. Dusty retrieved many, many different kinds of animals for my dad in her life, but what she gave to our family far exceeded her hunting skills.
You see, Dusty was my very first real best friend and my greatest teacher about Love. She was just always there for me - no matter what. She always just seemed to know when I felt sad and she would just come. I didn't even need to ask.
And then the day came when cancer took hold of her and it was time to say goodbye. That was a hard, hard day. And I didn't think I could ever open my heart up to love like that again.
That time came years later after I got married and we got Cally who was a black Labrador Retriever so full of energy and life that there was never a dull moment with her around! I think of her "bone obsession" and laugh big - she could play ball for hours and hours and hours...
When the kids came along, she naturally took on her role of loving, protecting and serving them as well. Not once with all of the kids pulling on her ears or jumping on her back for a ride did she ever lash out in anger. Not once did she even growl at them. And even though she did take a back seat to them, she never once held it against us. She just continued to just love, love, love...always wagging her tail even up until the very end.
At 12 years old Cally needed to rest because she had served and loved us so well. And we needed to release her to go to Rainbow Bridge because that is where her reward would be. And did she ever deserve it. Her life and the lessons she taught us will never be forgotten. The joy and love she gave us will always be in our hearts. Her love and service to her master, Mark, was unwavering up... until her last breath.
This past summer we were willing to love again...and now we have Daisy May who is 2 and a Pomeranian Poodle who has definitely brought a new kind of love and excitement to our home! Just come hang out at our house for awhile and you will see what I mean - often I can see out of the corner of my eye Daisy May chasing one of our cats all around the house, up and down the stairs, out the patio door... it is quite comical actually. Sometimes I am convinced that she thinks she is a cat and not a dog. She does after all prefer their food to hers. I've given up that battle a long time ago. :)
I wonder what is it that keeps a person, like me for instance, going back for more with these four-legged creatures? What is it that allows us to risk a broken heart again?
I think it is simply called Love. They love us in a way that is so unconditional - it is like they put their whole being into it. It doesn't matter if they are 80 pounds or 8. They just want to love and who can say no to that? That kind of devotion, loyalty, service?
Well, obviously not me...in fact having 3 cats and 1 dog probably shows pretty good evidence of that.
I have learned that dogs are one of our greatest teachers. They teach us how to truly love one another, how to serve one another, how to live, and how to make the most of life each and every day.
They don't hold onto grudges. They live in the moment. There is no such thing as living in the past or worrying about the future. They are slow to anger, quick to love, quick to forgive, and loyal no matter what. They take time to have fun and play and will do anything to get us to join right in. I think they have a greater understanding than humans do about just how short life really is.
They have taught me that naps are a really good thing. They have taught me that there is no fear in loving. They have taught me that it is okay to give your heart away. They have taught me that love is worth it. Love is worth the risk, the chance.
In closing, I would like to honor all of the four-legged creatures that have already gone to Rainbow Bridge, especially those special canines I hold dear to my heart and I like to call my beloved: Dusty and Cally.
I dedicate this blog post to my sister, Tracy, as she grieves the passing of her two beloved dogs, Domino and Buddy in just the past 10 days as they both made their way to Rainbow Bridge to receive their reward...the honor they are due...and to be reunited with all that have gone before them...to suffer no more...to only know Love.
Each and every one of their lives mattered beyond words - furry skin or not. Each and every one of their lives taught us something grand. I know my sister's heart will heal and she will be able to love again...in time.
Because like I already said, love is worth the risk. It just is.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Am I a Basket Lady?
Recently, I have been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing of our house. After all - Spring IS Coming!
I really shouldn't be pushing myself, physically speaking, yet - at this point, however, I've sort of neglected our home is the past 4 years, simply because I've been so ill, and Mark has had to step up to the plate and takeover with so many of the kid and household duties that our home sort of got set aside.
At this point, I think a simple new coat of paint in each room will do wonders...and that's without having to spend much money. However, what is needed is time and energy. Hmm...at this time, I have neither.
With that being said, and with Spring in the air, I have recently just felt this need to CLEAN HOUSE or something...like "nesting" in a way...I relate it to how I felt before I was about to give birth.
Last month my dear friend, Karie (I knew she was the perfect person to ask for help in my new "project") and she did not disappoint. She is SO good at painting, knowing colors...and how things go together...
Anyway - she painted my entire basement for me, (I am talking literal here - she painted while I literally laid down on the floor with my pillow beneath my head...and we chatted the whole time - it was great!) and she turned our basement, which has now turned into Mark and mine "offices", into something I call simply Amazing! Thank you Karie! (You are welcome to come see it at any time but please give me a holler beforehand okay?)
So now our next room to tackle is the kitchen.
In the meantime I have clearing out and throwing out and simply "just getting rid of stuff".
In this process I realized how many actual Longaberger Baskets I truly have. Wow! Seriously? I have THIS many in our TINY home?
And then I thought, Holy Cow - AM I A BASKET LADY? Sort of like how people think of "Cat Ladies"...
I asked Mark this very question this morning as I was walking around the house with one of my "bigger" baskets hanging on my arm, collecting "stuff" to organize and place here or there...hopefully to just give away to someone else.
I don't think he knew actually how to answer my question. I get that look a lot from him - women, you know what I mean right? That look...the one of complete and utter bewilderment on his face with no words coming out of his mouth.
I then asked him if I was a Cat Lady? After all, we DO have 3 cats! Gulp! I've always said that I consider myself a Cat Lady if I personally owned 4 cats. I knew then that I crossed the line. Plus, I KNEW there was no way Mark would ever allow me to get another animal, yet alone another cat! I just know this about him. He is pretty easygoing about most everything, but...I know the lines to cross and not to cross and this is one of them.
I didn't really get an answer from him either about me being a Cat Lady.
I proceeded to go about collecting and sorting, but then it got me thinking about my blog and this whole idea of being a Lady really means, and what I want most importantly for Megan to learn about what a true lady really is all about.
Well, of course not. And I'm sure, neither do you.
However, I have SO MUCH STUFF! And so much to get rid of. So much to clean out and organize. And I am NOT talking about just my closets and drawers here.
It's a cleansing process - I like to call it. And what better time than Now? The present moment?
So I began to consider what a true Lady is for Megan's sake, for my sake, for those of you reading and maybe thinking about this idea now yourself.
If you are a male and reading this...well, I hope you will learn something about us females out there.
So when I need answers to life's questions I go to God's Word - the Bible. And I knew Proverbs 31 talks a lot about a wife of noble character, but I was more curious as to what God says about it in more general terms...like what it means to be a lady before Him.
I read and studied and prayed and thought it out...I wrestled with some ideas and I think I've come up with what I hope is a good enough answer for now. At least it has helped me and I hope it helps you too.
First off, I learned that I can never, ever be like the woman described in Proverbs 31! What was God thinking putting all of those traits down?
Not only was SHE an excellent wife and mother, but SHE was also a manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, and on and on and on...PLUS she was held to a high esteem in that society too!
And then God starts talking about her inside parts - her character...just how GREAT that was! Gulp! I read along...
Her words were wise, she gave instructions with kindness, she wasn't afraid, yet kept careful watch over her home, she was simply trusting, trusting, trusting Him each step of the way...an inner calm - it seemed to me.
And then I realized God had a lot to say about that part of me in His Word as well. That He had a lot to say about my heart. And how to go about cleaning that part of me. And instructions on how to do that. Yet, I do also remember how hard He said that was to actually do and put into practice day after day - the discipline and motivation that takes.
Interestingly enough, there is not one word about her physical appearance at all. Hmm...maybe that is because physical beauty just doesn't last. It just doesn't.
All it says about her clothing is that she was clothed in strength and dignity - her character...who she is inside.
So in dedication to my sweet daughter Megan ~ whom I have in mind as I write this post...
Being a lady before God means first off learning from the Proverbs 31 woman, instead of trying to be her and going there will just lead to its own set of problems.
Secondly, work hard at what you are good at...excel - it is OK! Yet be an encourager, care for other people...be smart, yet careful, ask for advice...be compassionate...honor and respect those you need to...laugh without fear of the future (Megan is and already does all of these things in a very sweet way, as those of you who know her can attest to).
But most importantly, being a lady before God has nothing to do with what you achieve or accomplish, or what you look like or do, but rather on who you are inside...the condition of your heart.
Is it clean? Does it have rooms in it that need to be seriously dusted out, cleaned out or just simply shipped out and hopefully never to be seen again? Or do my rooms just simply need to be repainted a new color?
I know mine does. And probably always will. I've accepted that.
But in the meantime, there is a promise tucked away inside of that verse, at the very end...(I personally love when I find those!)
It says, Reward for all she has done, let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
So in the Promise - as there always is - that is where the hope lies when the going gets tough. And it will.
Being a lady before God means loving Him first with your whole heart and then loving other people in return - just like He says to do.
And the Reward is great! But sometimes the very hard part is trusting in the possibility that the Reward might not come to you here on earth, but rather in the your heavenly, permanent home.
Ohh...if we back up and read closer it sure seems to me that she was blessed in her lifetime on earth.
Her children stood and blessed her. Her husband praised her. She was blessed beyond measure in my humble opinion.
So in the grand scheme of things, in the grand scheme of this thing called Life...the STUFF just does not matter. None of it. Physical appearance. Awards. Achievements. Honors. To-Do lists taken care of....
In the end what matters is...the state of my heart really, before God first and foremost. And then He will ask Dear child, how did you love with the Love you've been given?
So I am now at the end of my post and back to my original question?
Yes - in many ways, but (gulp!) also in not so many ways... The thing is - I am learning and growing and then I take two steps back and have to start again. I'm a "work in progress"... And I keep on having to remind myself over and over and over again that IT IS NOT A MARATHON!
So that means, Ahhh...I can slow down and enjoy the view along the way. And with "Spring in the Air" and everything coming to Life again...being Awakened...with the sweet sounds of birds returning home filling the sky, and as I notice my tulips popping out from under the cold, dark dirt...
I hope you also enjoy a very slow, restful Sunday today as you also impatiently wait for Spring to arrive...just remember it will come.
I really shouldn't be pushing myself, physically speaking, yet - at this point, however, I've sort of neglected our home is the past 4 years, simply because I've been so ill, and Mark has had to step up to the plate and takeover with so many of the kid and household duties that our home sort of got set aside.
At this point, I think a simple new coat of paint in each room will do wonders...and that's without having to spend much money. However, what is needed is time and energy. Hmm...at this time, I have neither.
With that being said, and with Spring in the air, I have recently just felt this need to CLEAN HOUSE or something...like "nesting" in a way...I relate it to how I felt before I was about to give birth.
Last month my dear friend, Karie (I knew she was the perfect person to ask for help in my new "project") and she did not disappoint. She is SO good at painting, knowing colors...and how things go together...
Anyway - she painted my entire basement for me, (I am talking literal here - she painted while I literally laid down on the floor with my pillow beneath my head...and we chatted the whole time - it was great!) and she turned our basement, which has now turned into Mark and mine "offices", into something I call simply Amazing! Thank you Karie! (You are welcome to come see it at any time but please give me a holler beforehand okay?)
So now our next room to tackle is the kitchen.
All in due time.
In the meantime I have clearing out and throwing out and simply "just getting rid of stuff".
It feels good. Freeing in many respects.
In this process I realized how many actual Longaberger Baskets I truly have. Wow! Seriously? I have THIS many in our TINY home?
And then I thought, Holy Cow - AM I A BASKET LADY? Sort of like how people think of "Cat Ladies"...
I asked Mark this very question this morning as I was walking around the house with one of my "bigger" baskets hanging on my arm, collecting "stuff" to organize and place here or there...hopefully to just give away to someone else.
I don't think he knew actually how to answer my question. I get that look a lot from him - women, you know what I mean right? That look...the one of complete and utter bewilderment on his face with no words coming out of his mouth.
I then asked him if I was a Cat Lady? After all, we DO have 3 cats! Gulp! I've always said that I consider myself a Cat Lady if I personally owned 4 cats. I knew then that I crossed the line. Plus, I KNEW there was no way Mark would ever allow me to get another animal, yet alone another cat! I just know this about him. He is pretty easygoing about most everything, but...I know the lines to cross and not to cross and this is one of them.
I didn't really get an answer from him either about me being a Cat Lady.
I proceeded to go about collecting and sorting, but then it got me thinking about my blog and this whole idea of being a Lady really means, and what I want most importantly for Megan to learn about what a true lady really is all about.
Do I want to be defined by my Stuff?
Well, of course not. And I'm sure, neither do you.
However, I have SO MUCH STUFF! And so much to get rid of. So much to clean out and organize. And I am NOT talking about just my closets and drawers here.
It's a cleansing process - I like to call it. And what better time than Now? The present moment?
So I began to consider what a true Lady is for Megan's sake, for my sake, for those of you reading and maybe thinking about this idea now yourself.
If you are a male and reading this...well, I hope you will learn something about us females out there.
So when I need answers to life's questions I go to God's Word - the Bible. And I knew Proverbs 31 talks a lot about a wife of noble character, but I was more curious as to what God says about it in more general terms...like what it means to be a lady before Him.
I read and studied and prayed and thought it out...I wrestled with some ideas and I think I've come up with what I hope is a good enough answer for now. At least it has helped me and I hope it helps you too.
First off, I learned that I can never, ever be like the woman described in Proverbs 31! What was God thinking putting all of those traits down?
Not only was SHE an excellent wife and mother, but SHE was also a manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, and on and on and on...PLUS she was held to a high esteem in that society too!
And then God starts talking about her inside parts - her character...just how GREAT that was! Gulp! I read along...
Her words were wise, she gave instructions with kindness, she wasn't afraid, yet kept careful watch over her home, she was simply trusting, trusting, trusting Him each step of the way...an inner calm - it seemed to me.
And then I realized God had a lot to say about that part of me in His Word as well. That He had a lot to say about my heart. And how to go about cleaning that part of me. And instructions on how to do that. Yet, I do also remember how hard He said that was to actually do and put into practice day after day - the discipline and motivation that takes.
Interestingly enough, there is not one word about her physical appearance at all. Hmm...maybe that is because physical beauty just doesn't last. It just doesn't.
All it says about her clothing is that she was clothed in strength and dignity - her character...who she is inside.
So in dedication to my sweet daughter Megan ~ whom I have in mind as I write this post...
Being a lady before God means first off learning from the Proverbs 31 woman, instead of trying to be her and going there will just lead to its own set of problems.
Secondly, work hard at what you are good at...excel - it is OK! Yet be an encourager, care for other people...be smart, yet careful, ask for advice...be compassionate...honor and respect those you need to...laugh without fear of the future (Megan is and already does all of these things in a very sweet way, as those of you who know her can attest to).
But most importantly, being a lady before God has nothing to do with what you achieve or accomplish, or what you look like or do, but rather on who you are inside...the condition of your heart.
Is it clean? Does it have rooms in it that need to be seriously dusted out, cleaned out or just simply shipped out and hopefully never to be seen again? Or do my rooms just simply need to be repainted a new color?
I know mine does. And probably always will. I've accepted that.
But in the meantime, there is a promise tucked away inside of that verse, at the very end...(I personally love when I find those!)
It says, Reward for all she has done, let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
So in the Promise - as there always is - that is where the hope lies when the going gets tough. And it will.
Being a lady before God means loving Him first with your whole heart and then loving other people in return - just like He says to do.
And the Reward is great! But sometimes the very hard part is trusting in the possibility that the Reward might not come to you here on earth, but rather in the your heavenly, permanent home.
Ohh...if we back up and read closer it sure seems to me that she was blessed in her lifetime on earth.
Her children stood and blessed her. Her husband praised her. She was blessed beyond measure in my humble opinion.
So in the grand scheme of things, in the grand scheme of this thing called Life...the STUFF just does not matter. None of it. Physical appearance. Awards. Achievements. Honors. To-Do lists taken care of....
Nope.
In the end what matters is...the state of my heart really, before God first and foremost. And then He will ask Dear child, how did you love with the Love you've been given?
So I am now at the end of my post and back to my original question?
Am I a Basket Lady?
Yah, probably.
Am I a Lady before God?
Yes - in many ways, but (gulp!) also in not so many ways... The thing is - I am learning and growing and then I take two steps back and have to start again. I'm a "work in progress"... And I keep on having to remind myself over and over and over again that IT IS NOT A MARATHON!
So that means, Ahhh...I can slow down and enjoy the view along the way. And with "Spring in the Air" and everything coming to Life again...being Awakened...with the sweet sounds of birds returning home filling the sky, and as I notice my tulips popping out from under the cold, dark dirt...
I don't want to miss a thing...
I hope you also enjoy a very slow, restful Sunday today as you also impatiently wait for Spring to arrive...just remember it will come.
Happy Spring to you!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Voice of Truth
I was really looking forward to the month of February this year, for some reason. More so than ever before.
I was actually feeling something of excitement in the air as I thought of Valentine's Day approaching, and all that comes with it - flowers, candy, pink (I just love pink!) and LOVE.
I need to state right here that this is NOT like me at all - just ask Mark. I've never really been big into this holiday at all. I am always appreciative when he buys me flowers and a nice card, but we usually don't "celebrate" it, if you know what I mean.
Also, I was excited about February coming because I was going to be getting away by myself for 6 whole days!! You wives and mothers out there know exactly what I am saying!! No laundry, carpooling, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning.....Ahh!
I was scheduled to go to LaFayette, IN for a biblical counseling training conference at the beginning of the month. This was going to be my second time going, as I also attended back in 2006.
So I was looking forward to February and all that it would bring, especially in the middle of winter in Wisconsin, right? ;) Unfortunately, the State of Indiana greatly mimics Wisconsin so I wasn't going to warm, beach-like weather, but that was okay because I was going to be indoors practically the entire time anyway.
What I didn't realize then, was that February, this "month of Love" that I was so looking forward to, was going to at the tail end of it, shake my faith to its very core.
I didn't realize that I would come face to face with what I now believe, was and has been the BIGGEST obstacle of my very own Life, literally and figuratively; the WALL that was stopping me from healing from Lyme Disease once and for all...the WALL that I needed to knock down if I ever wanted to have Shalom, in my life on earth. And I am not talking about peace and rest that comes from a body free of physical symptoms. I am talking about a Peace within.
Because I have learned in my journey through Life that pursuing physical health while dismissing or ignoring or not addressing or whatever the other "parts" of me, that is, my heart and soul, would never, ever bring me the Peace I was truly after.
As I sat before many humble, servants of God speak and teach Truth and Love to all of us, all 1,600 of us...from 20 different countries, and 40 different states...all gathering together to be filled with what I was also pursuing and needing so much in my own life, I learned that my WALL had a name, finally...Phew! Yippee! I thought. I get it!
Now all I have to DO if I want healing, in my physical body...but more so in my mind and soul, is to just KNOCK IT DOWN!
This is what I was thinking about and pondering in the days returning from my trip.
The thing is, I knew it wasn't going to be easy for me at all. I mean, COME ON, let's be realistic here, my friends and readers - I have a "Type A" personality. I have control issues. I am driven to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I am a perfectionist. And yes, these "traits" of mine have helped me so much in my life; these "gifts" of mine have been used for good. I know this to be true. However, they were no longer working for me any longer. In fact, they were actually working against me.
Because, physically speaking, a human body can really only handle so much right? God did not design our bodies to operate and function under so much stress, inner and outer.
So at least now I had a name for my WALL and I could begin the process of knocking it down. I knew enough by then to know that this was going to be a slow walk between me and God because of my "nature", but also realizing that my Life is a journey after all - not a sprint...but a marathon. And I am use to running, instead of walking. I am use to striving, instead of being still. I am use to doing, instead of being.
And I've learned that it is about pruning and growing...pruning and growing...all along the way, but always in the name of LOVE.
Always. No matter what. No matter what I have experienced in my life. Death. Loss. Gut-wretching grief. Buckets and buckets of tears collected.
Ohhh... but I have to STOP myself and remember my blessings...my gifts straight from Heaven above...all flowing through my God's loving fingertips...where in the world could I possibly even begin to start a thank you note to God? I'm mean, seriously. Think about it.
Let's see...how about I just simply start with - Thank you God for this day. Thank you that You gave me the breath to take to live this day...
I learned that THAT is where my focus needs to be moment by moment, NOT on what I didn't get or want, or deserved, but rather on I was given what I needed because I was loved so much.
Not based on the circumstances of my Life, but rather on the WHO of my Life. My Creator. My Holy Father. My Giver of Gifts. My Lord of Lords. My Mighty Father.
Because it is ALL coming from His Loving Hands. All of it....it is ALL in the name of LOVE.
And to knock down this WALL of mine that I had built pretty high up around my heart based on what I needed to do at the time to make it through...
I needed to Trust.
So THAT is what it came down to for me, once and for all.
I recently learned that for me this is the bridge between belief and faith.
Who am I going to believe IN when the next trial comes? Because the Truth is - being motivated by FEAR had really gotten me nowhere towards my goal of healing. My goal of obtaining Peace.
So I decided to start taking each step in faith, instead of fear. It was a choosing on my part.
Because my heart and mind sure needed leading, as I no longer trusted myself at the job. I knew that much to be true by then. It just wasn't working for me any longer.
The truth is:
I just didn't realize that my "test" was going to come so fast and so strong and so real in the way it did...
I was blindsided, quite simply. Absolutely 100% blindsided. I just hate when that happens!
This "test" took everything out of me. It really, truly put my faith to the test. Were my words and actions going to match up with what I now knew to be TRUE?
Was I, Lori, going to believe the Voice of Truth over anyone else's? Bottom line.
WAS I GOING TO KNOCK DOWN THIS WALL OF MINE - FEAR - ONCE AND FOR ALL AND WALK IN FAITH?
I believed I passed the test... ;-) BUT with A LOT of help along the way...with A LOT of prayer that lifted and carried me to this point...with A LOT of Love pouring into me...
I am so humbly thankful to all of you who were there for me, and our family, in the midst of my WALL coming down...I hope you know who you are...that I have expressed my thankfulness and gratitude to you... If not, I hope you will accept it here and now as you read this.
With that being said, the road to here, right now in this moment, has not been easy by any means...
What I am comfortable sharing with all of you, my readers, in this type of venue is this:
The decision Mark & I made back in December to help out Breoine and his family...our "Do Good Anyway" approach that we had taken - well, it didn't turn out the way we expected.
Although we were lovingly advised from the start about the "possibility" of us being "scammed", I didn't believe it would end up where it has.
I never thought I would hear from him again. After all, at the end of January, I called and got the police department and child protective services involved in his case. I was assured that he and his family would be taken care of.
With much relief and thankfulness, really, I moved on with my life. I went to Indiana. I returned. I continued to battle the symptoms of Lyme Disease, but I knew with a much better focus this time around...and I was feeling lighter and less frazzled, honestly, even though my physical symptoms hadn't really changed.
And then FEAR came knocking on my door. Literally.
And once again, it paralyzed me. I got STUCK. Ugh! I thought I was making progress...
Oh...and then, slowly...prayerfully, I remembered all I had learned in Indiana...all the Truth I had let fill me to overflowing into my heart and mind...all that I was currently in the midst of trying to do in my Life...
But, come on God! I cried out. Seriously? In this way? Now? COME ON! I need more time!!!
No. The answer came strong and clear. This is where the rubber meets the road.
Choose Lori: FAITH or FEAR
No other options. That's it. It is now or never.
What do I want Matthew, Megan, and Luke to SEE in ME about my walk with God? What do I want them to learn and know about God even in the midst of this darkness? Wow! That thought sure stopped me dead in my tracks.
Do I want them to see that my choices are motivated by FEAR? No way. Life is hard enough all on its own. They will get knocked down, time and time again. That is just Life.
I want my children to see through me and the way I respond to this current trial that having faith is so much more than just saying the "right" words or saying empty prayers to a genie in the sky. Having true faith, for me, has been walking the walk...and I mean that quite literally. And it has been the scariest time of my life, quite honestly. I have never, ever experienced FEAR of this magnitude before. Yes, I have been fearful of a lot of things....but more on a personal, intimate level.
Not real, live active FEAR like this. Afraid to step outside of our door kind of fear. Paralyzing fear of the "unknown" and the "what-if's" happening'
I want them to KNOW that they KNOW that they KNOW in the days ahead that...really, for the rest of their days on this earth:
They are Loved beyond measure and Pursued relentlessly by our Father in Heaven, who is and always will be their Protector, no matter what life brings them. And that God is the Mighty One. That He is Good. And that most importantly, even in darkness, light dawns for the upright!
I want them to know they do not need to fear bad news as long as their hearts are steadfast. As long as they are trusting in the Lord. As long as they listen and obey the Voice of Truth...that is where true safety and protection and love are found.
I want them to learn from this whole situation to Stand Firm in the "gap"...I want them to learn and know WHO they are in Christ Jesus and the POWER that is within them. Because that is the ONLY way one can stand firm in this world.
I want them to learn that people are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered, but FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY. I don't want this to stop them from Doing Good Anyway - ever, especially if it is Love and Peace guiding their steps.
God says DO NOT BE AFRAID. He says, YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR ME. He says the waves are going to call out my name and laugh at me and try to CRUSH me; that the Giants will try to put my WALL back up...
And each step is grounded in not only faith at this point, but also good wise counsel from dear family and friends, and even from a veteran Police Officer with that Brooklyn, New York accent speaking Truth to my soul...because after all, he has seen so much more in the world than I, that is for sure.
I was ignorant of the reality of the world we live in. I accept that. I have been somewhat "sheltered", even growing up with a Police Officer for a dad. I have been busy for the past 14 years tending to our home and children.
With that being said, I am still thankful for ALL of it.
And, most importantly, I have learned and realized that hindsight is always 20/20. Don't you just love that?
And even with my now "20/20 vision", I would not change a thing.
Why? You may ask... and some already have, and I'm sure many of you are wondering the same thing.
I've learned in a BIG way that there comes a time in Life when the questions just need to cease, just STOP once and for all...
Breoine needed my help that day and Love guided my steps. I will never, ever regret that. And I completely understand how "irrational" or "foolish" that may seem to some of you who are reading my blog. I can and do accept that.
I've also learned and have come to appreciate on a much, much deeper level just what my own dad and sister have given of themselves to protect and serve all of us. And then my mind travels to all of the other people we know in law enforcement in just our circle...from the family we carpool with...to my dear friend's husband...to our 2 neighbors right down the street...
I have a whole new sense of Honor and Respect for their profession.
So, as we take safety and security measures to protect ourselves and our home, would you please keep us in your prayers? We continue to hope and pray that Peace will be restored in our lives and our home.
I know that in the days following 2/24/11 up until right this very minute, that prayer is what has sustained me.
Most specifically, can you pray for ME....that I will be able to continue to STAND FIRM and walk in faith and not fear - each step along the way...that this young boy and his family truly get the help they need.
Thank you for reading my blog and my story...I appreciate so much all of the love, encouragement, and support you have so graciously bestowed upon our family.
I would like to end this very difficult post to write, on a "positive" and "encouraging" note, not one of gloom and doom. I do believe All is well.
As this month of "Love" comes to a close...I have to remind myself over and over again, as I was also doing back in January when I was so eagerly anticipating what February would bring for me is this:
Honestly, I was sort of expecting maybe, possibly... a dozen roses from Mark, not all of this...when I had Valentine's Day on my brain. See how I am trying to find the humor in all of this? I do so because I have also learned since last week Thursday that a really good - straight from your belly kind of LAUGH - will make the load feel lighter! So please feel free to send me some good jokes!
Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, support as our family takes this leap of faith...
Warmly and with much love,
Lori
To find out more information about the biblical counseling conference I attended please click here:
http://www.jconline.com/article/20110212/LIFE07/102120314/Biblical-counseling-students-hope-to-keep-Christ-in-the-message-
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1859778219268&oid=286127038505&comments
I was actually feeling something of excitement in the air as I thought of Valentine's Day approaching, and all that comes with it - flowers, candy, pink (I just love pink!) and LOVE.
I need to state right here that this is NOT like me at all - just ask Mark. I've never really been big into this holiday at all. I am always appreciative when he buys me flowers and a nice card, but we usually don't "celebrate" it, if you know what I mean.
Also, I was excited about February coming because I was going to be getting away by myself for 6 whole days!! You wives and mothers out there know exactly what I am saying!! No laundry, carpooling, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning.....Ahh!
I was scheduled to go to LaFayette, IN for a biblical counseling training conference at the beginning of the month. This was going to be my second time going, as I also attended back in 2006.
So I was looking forward to February and all that it would bring, especially in the middle of winter in Wisconsin, right? ;) Unfortunately, the State of Indiana greatly mimics Wisconsin so I wasn't going to warm, beach-like weather, but that was okay because I was going to be indoors practically the entire time anyway.
What I didn't realize then, was that February, this "month of Love" that I was so looking forward to, was going to at the tail end of it, shake my faith to its very core.
I didn't realize that I would come face to face with what I now believe, was and has been the BIGGEST obstacle of my very own Life, literally and figuratively; the WALL that was stopping me from healing from Lyme Disease once and for all...the WALL that I needed to knock down if I ever wanted to have Shalom, in my life on earth. And I am not talking about peace and rest that comes from a body free of physical symptoms. I am talking about a Peace within.
Because I have learned in my journey through Life that pursuing physical health while dismissing or ignoring or not addressing or whatever the other "parts" of me, that is, my heart and soul, would never, ever bring me the Peace I was truly after.
As I sat before many humble, servants of God speak and teach Truth and Love to all of us, all 1,600 of us...from 20 different countries, and 40 different states...all gathering together to be filled with what I was also pursuing and needing so much in my own life, I learned that my WALL had a name, finally...Phew! Yippee! I thought. I get it!
Now all I have to DO if I want healing, in my physical body...but more so in my mind and soul, is to just KNOCK IT DOWN!
This is what I was thinking about and pondering in the days returning from my trip.
The thing is, I knew it wasn't going to be easy for me at all. I mean, COME ON, let's be realistic here, my friends and readers - I have a "Type A" personality. I have control issues. I am driven to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I am a perfectionist. And yes, these "traits" of mine have helped me so much in my life; these "gifts" of mine have been used for good. I know this to be true. However, they were no longer working for me any longer. In fact, they were actually working against me.
Because, physically speaking, a human body can really only handle so much right? God did not design our bodies to operate and function under so much stress, inner and outer.
So at least now I had a name for my WALL and I could begin the process of knocking it down. I knew enough by then to know that this was going to be a slow walk between me and God because of my "nature", but also realizing that my Life is a journey after all - not a sprint...but a marathon. And I am use to running, instead of walking. I am use to striving, instead of being still. I am use to doing, instead of being.
And I've learned that it is about pruning and growing...pruning and growing...all along the way, but always in the name of LOVE.
Always. No matter what. No matter what I have experienced in my life. Death. Loss. Gut-wretching grief. Buckets and buckets of tears collected.
Ohhh... but I have to STOP myself and remember my blessings...my gifts straight from Heaven above...all flowing through my God's loving fingertips...where in the world could I possibly even begin to start a thank you note to God? I'm mean, seriously. Think about it.
Let's see...how about I just simply start with - Thank you God for this day. Thank you that You gave me the breath to take to live this day...
I learned that THAT is where my focus needs to be moment by moment, NOT on what I didn't get or want, or deserved, but rather on I was given what I needed because I was loved so much.
Not based on the circumstances of my Life, but rather on the WHO of my Life. My Creator. My Holy Father. My Giver of Gifts. My Lord of Lords. My Mighty Father.
My Healer
Because it is ALL coming from His Loving Hands. All of it....it is ALL in the name of LOVE.
And to knock down this WALL of mine that I had built pretty high up around my heart based on what I needed to do at the time to make it through...
I needed to Trust.
So THAT is what it came down to for me, once and for all.
Trust
I recently learned that for me this is the bridge between belief and faith.
Who am I going to believe IN when the next trial comes? Because the Truth is - being motivated by FEAR had really gotten me nowhere towards my goal of healing. My goal of obtaining Peace.
So I decided to start taking each step in faith, instead of fear. It was a choosing on my part.
Because my heart and mind sure needed leading, as I no longer trusted myself at the job. I knew that much to be true by then. It just wasn't working for me any longer.
The truth is:
I just didn't realize that my "test" was going to come so fast and so strong and so real in the way it did...
I was blindsided, quite simply. Absolutely 100% blindsided. I just hate when that happens!
This "test" took everything out of me. It really, truly put my faith to the test. Were my words and actions going to match up with what I now knew to be TRUE?
Was I, Lori, going to believe the Voice of Truth over anyone else's? Bottom line.
WAS I GOING TO KNOCK DOWN THIS WALL OF MINE - FEAR - ONCE AND FOR ALL AND WALK IN FAITH?
I believed I passed the test... ;-) BUT with A LOT of help along the way...with A LOT of prayer that lifted and carried me to this point...with A LOT of Love pouring into me...
I am so humbly thankful to all of you who were there for me, and our family, in the midst of my WALL coming down...I hope you know who you are...that I have expressed my thankfulness and gratitude to you... If not, I hope you will accept it here and now as you read this.
With that being said, the road to here, right now in this moment, has not been easy by any means...
What I am comfortable sharing with all of you, my readers, in this type of venue is this:
The decision Mark & I made back in December to help out Breoine and his family...our "Do Good Anyway" approach that we had taken - well, it didn't turn out the way we expected.
Although we were lovingly advised from the start about the "possibility" of us being "scammed", I didn't believe it would end up where it has.
I never thought I would hear from him again. After all, at the end of January, I called and got the police department and child protective services involved in his case. I was assured that he and his family would be taken care of.
With much relief and thankfulness, really, I moved on with my life. I went to Indiana. I returned. I continued to battle the symptoms of Lyme Disease, but I knew with a much better focus this time around...and I was feeling lighter and less frazzled, honestly, even though my physical symptoms hadn't really changed.
And then FEAR came knocking on my door. Literally.
And once again, it paralyzed me. I got STUCK. Ugh! I thought I was making progress...
Oh...and then, slowly...prayerfully, I remembered all I had learned in Indiana...all the Truth I had let fill me to overflowing into my heart and mind...all that I was currently in the midst of trying to do in my Life...
KNOCK DOWN MY WALL OF FEAR
But, come on God! I cried out. Seriously? In this way? Now? COME ON! I need more time!!!
No. The answer came strong and clear. This is where the rubber meets the road.
Choose Lori: FAITH or FEAR
No other options. That's it. It is now or never.
What do I want Matthew, Megan, and Luke to SEE in ME about my walk with God? What do I want them to learn and know about God even in the midst of this darkness? Wow! That thought sure stopped me dead in my tracks.
Do I want them to see that my choices are motivated by FEAR? No way. Life is hard enough all on its own. They will get knocked down, time and time again. That is just Life.
I want my children to see through me and the way I respond to this current trial that having faith is so much more than just saying the "right" words or saying empty prayers to a genie in the sky. Having true faith, for me, has been walking the walk...and I mean that quite literally. And it has been the scariest time of my life, quite honestly. I have never, ever experienced FEAR of this magnitude before. Yes, I have been fearful of a lot of things....but more on a personal, intimate level.
Not real, live active FEAR like this. Afraid to step outside of our door kind of fear. Paralyzing fear of the "unknown" and the "what-if's" happening'
I want them to KNOW that they KNOW that they KNOW in the days ahead that...really, for the rest of their days on this earth:
They are Loved beyond measure and Pursued relentlessly by our Father in Heaven, who is and always will be their Protector, no matter what life brings them. And that God is the Mighty One. That He is Good. And that most importantly, even in darkness, light dawns for the upright!
I want them to know they do not need to fear bad news as long as their hearts are steadfast. As long as they are trusting in the Lord. As long as they listen and obey the Voice of Truth...that is where true safety and protection and love are found.
I want them to learn from this whole situation to Stand Firm in the "gap"...I want them to learn and know WHO they are in Christ Jesus and the POWER that is within them. Because that is the ONLY way one can stand firm in this world.
I want them to learn that people are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered, but FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY. I don't want this to stop them from Doing Good Anyway - ever, especially if it is Love and Peace guiding their steps.
God says DO NOT BE AFRAID. He says, YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR ME. He says the waves are going to call out my name and laugh at me and try to CRUSH me; that the Giants will try to put my WALL back up...
No! I will no longer accept that!
I will CHOOSE to listen and believe the Voice of Truth!
Faith, not fear...faith, not fear...faith, not fear...
And each step is grounded in not only faith at this point, but also good wise counsel from dear family and friends, and even from a veteran Police Officer with that Brooklyn, New York accent speaking Truth to my soul...because after all, he has seen so much more in the world than I, that is for sure.
I was ignorant of the reality of the world we live in. I accept that. I have been somewhat "sheltered", even growing up with a Police Officer for a dad. I have been busy for the past 14 years tending to our home and children.
With that being said, I am still thankful for ALL of it.
And, most importantly, I have learned and realized that hindsight is always 20/20. Don't you just love that?
And even with my now "20/20 vision", I would not change a thing.
Why? You may ask... and some already have, and I'm sure many of you are wondering the same thing.
I've learned in a BIG way that there comes a time in Life when the questions just need to cease, just STOP once and for all...
and FAITH begins...and FAITH guides the way
Breoine needed my help that day and Love guided my steps. I will never, ever regret that. And I completely understand how "irrational" or "foolish" that may seem to some of you who are reading my blog. I can and do accept that.
I've also learned and have come to appreciate on a much, much deeper level just what my own dad and sister have given of themselves to protect and serve all of us. And then my mind travels to all of the other people we know in law enforcement in just our circle...from the family we carpool with...to my dear friend's husband...to our 2 neighbors right down the street...
I have a whole new sense of Honor and Respect for their profession.
So, as we take safety and security measures to protect ourselves and our home, would you please keep us in your prayers? We continue to hope and pray that Peace will be restored in our lives and our home.
I know that in the days following 2/24/11 up until right this very minute, that prayer is what has sustained me.
Most specifically, can you pray for ME....that I will be able to continue to STAND FIRM and walk in faith and not fear - each step along the way...that this young boy and his family truly get the help they need.
Thank you for reading my blog and my story...I appreciate so much all of the love, encouragement, and support you have so graciously bestowed upon our family.
I would like to end this very difficult post to write, on a "positive" and "encouraging" note, not one of gloom and doom. I do believe All is well.
As this month of "Love" comes to a close...I have to remind myself over and over again, as I was also doing back in January when I was so eagerly anticipating what February would bring for me is this:
Now these three remain:
Faith, Hope, and Love.
But the Greatest of these is Love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
Honestly, I was sort of expecting maybe, possibly... a dozen roses from Mark, not all of this...when I had Valentine's Day on my brain. See how I am trying to find the humor in all of this? I do so because I have also learned since last week Thursday that a really good - straight from your belly kind of LAUGH - will make the load feel lighter! So please feel free to send me some good jokes!
Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, support as our family takes this leap of faith...
Warmly and with much love,
Lori
To find out more information about the biblical counseling conference I attended please click here:
http://www.jconline.com/article/20110212/LIFE07/102120314/Biblical-counseling-students-hope-to-keep-Christ-in-the-message-
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1859778219268&oid=286127038505&comments
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