A Tribute to my Mom & Back to Blogging!

I haven't "blogged" in a long, long time, but feel inspired to write today, which is the 7-year anniversary of my mom's death. I pondered many times about what to "do" with this blog, Healing Begins, which I started so many years ago. I never received healing from Lyme disease I had hoped & prayed I would receive. Instead, I've learned to simply, "live with it." What so many of us with chronic illness live with day after day. Some with "labels" that we don't really want to talk about, yet alone, think about ourselves.

We are the ones with the invisible illnesses that suffer within, but no one would know it from the outside. In fact, we try to 'cover it up' so other people don't know what we are going through. "Look strong," even if you don't feel it. I suspect that is what my Mom lived with, but what no one knew about. Not anyone, sadly.

So, I stopped writing, at least in 'blog' form, and felt that I had nothing else to add to my Story. The truth is, I was sick of hearing myself talk and write about being sick when so many other people were suffering from much more than I, and my healing wasn't coming. I felt like I had nothing to offer anyone. I had compassion, empathy and understanding to give, but no answers. No treatments to "try." Nothing I could say "worked for me," except prayer.

I keep up with my loads of medications, but long ago, I gave up "trying" something else to cure me of chronic Lyme disease and the many autoimmune diseases it brings along with it. I've accepted God's will for my life. I take it one day at a time. Is there any other choice?

I love my doctor, Dr. Glenn Toth, who is knowledgeable, compassionate, and kind. He has been more than willing to try 'something else' every time I visit, but it is I, who am not willing. Not anymore. After seeing over 30 doctors since 2006, I've been simply, worn out. That I can get out of bed and live my Life...I am grateful.

Recently, I've had several dear people in my Life  encourage me to keep on with 'my writing' in someway. I've wrestled with a few ideas. I've looked into an editor position for one of my mystery shopping companies. I've considered taking a writing or editing course. I still don't have peace about any direction, but to write here for now. I am currently writing reports for my mystery shopping job. So there is that. And I have never stopped writing in journals or could even possibly think about doing that.

While we were doing spring cleaning, Megan discovered my huge mounting of journals in my closet. Several had tumbled to the floor. She said, "Oh my goodness, are those ALL of your journals?" I, naturally, gulped and said, "Yeah, they sure are." I guess that writing has been healing for me after all.

I've realized that I don't need to know the reason to keep blogging for right now. I have no idea if I will keep the title or not. Change it to something else? Who knows? Keep the same picture? I might as well...I am in my 30's still in that one! I can't even figure out how to get the music player to work!? for Pete's sake! I'm settled with not changing a thing for now.

I do know for sure that I need to blog, if not for myself, then for someone else.

Today, is as good as any other, to start again.

My mom is, somehow, from up Above encouraging me to tell the Story.

Thank you for being a listening ear.

http://www.lorianngrade.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-mothers-eulogy.html

40 Lessons

Now that I have turned 40, I've been looking back on my life and thinking about "lessons" I wish my younger self knew. Or truths that I've collected along the way I wish I knew then. Here's my list of things that I'm sure would've made my life much easier! The best thing I can do now is share them with you ... and write (type!) them down for my kids. Maybe it'll encourage and help them, as well as you, in this thing called Life.

1.   Trust your gut. It's always right.
2.   Kindness goes a long way.
3.   You are stronger and braver than you think.
4.   Crying is very healing; so is laughter.
5.   Perspective is everything.
6.   Never stop learning. No education is wasted.
7.   You can do and be anything you put your mind to.
8.   Stop worrying about what others think of you.
9.   A smile can change someone's whole day.
10. You are never alone, even when it feels like it.
11. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
12. No matter what happens, life must go on.
13. Love is healing; so are hugs.
14. Forgiveness is hard, but freeing. 
15. Life is about change. Roll with the punches.
16. We are to learn from our mistakes and failures. It's all about the lesson. Have no regrets
17. Be in the moment. It's gone in a flash.
18. Gratitude & thankfulness will lift you out of a bad mood every time.
19. The truth will set you free.
20. Tell people you love them ... often.
21. Never be afraid to cry in front of others.
22. Grief is a hard thing to get through, but you will.
23. When you have nothing left, there is always hope.
24. Don't make assumptions. Ask questions.
25. Never take your health for granted.
26. Find the job you love and can get paid for.
27. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
28. The Serenity Prayer is worth memorizing. So is Psalm 23.
29. Be nice to yourself.
30. If you've done the best you can, then that's enough.
31. Family is the most important thing. It's where your story begins.
32. You'll learn who your friends really are during the hardest times in your life.
33. If you don't learn the lesson, it'll just keep showing itself again and again.
34. It's okay to change your mind.
35. Never let anyone challenge your 'No.'
36. Sometimes you have to just do it afraid.
37. Don't forget to enjoy the journey. Life is short.
38. Never stop being curious.
39. Learn to laugh at yourself and life. Stop taking life so seriously.
40. Have fun along the way.

Choose Joy

Last year at this time I made a New Year's resolution to pursue shalom. You can read about it here. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "resolution" per se. It's more like a new beginning.

For 2012, I'm setting my theme as "Choose Joy," in dedication to a fellow blogger I never met or talked to, but learned a great deal from her. I am dedicating this post to her; she passed away in 2011.

When I first started getting into reading blogs a few years ago, I happened to come across hers & was stunned into silence (& conviction) when I read her story. As she was also struggling with chronic illness, I was drawn to her attitude and how she managed to stay positive in such dire circumstances.

Her name was Sara or Gitzen Girl, and because of her disease she wasn't able to leave her home at all. She could go to her doctor's appointments, but then would pay for it days afterward. She dealt with daily chronic excruciating pain yet didn't complain. She touched the world through her blog.

As I reflect back on 2011, I had many ups & downs, and I've had to ask myself if I did receive the peace I was after. I think for me peace has been this simple trust in life unfolding how it is suppose to and that it is all good.

I was challenged in a whole different way and on a whole different level after meeting Breoine and his family and what transpired because of it. I am extremely grateful that that situation ended peacefully.