Roots & Wings

My mom was really into inspirational poems and quotes. She had a real tender side when it came to stuff like that. I remember watching Little House on the Prairie with her and only she and I would be crying over the simplest thing.

After my dad retired from being a Milwaukee Police Officer, my parents moved "up north" to Montello, WI. Because of my mom's love for writing, she'd often send me long letters and attach coupons or 'kid type' jokes with them. Many times she'd include an inspirational poem or quote. Things she knew I'd appreciate or get a "kick" out of. If not then, someday for sure.

I remember one time she sent me this quote: 

 Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings.

At the time I read it, I didn't quite appreciate it until now. You see, when I read that quote, my oldest child, Matthew, was just a toddler. My main concerns at that time were definitely NOT about roots and wings. More like changing diapers, getting sleep, and keeping up with a 2-year old!

Now, how many years later, I have recently experienced what this long ago "quote" was saying. And my mom's in Heaven, simply smiling & nodding her head with understanding.

The thing is: No one prepared me for the time when I would have to FIRST give my children their wings. How HARD and PAINFUL that was going to be. I just wish my soft, mommy heart could have been a little bit more prepared for the "sting" that was coming. 

I still thought I had plenty of time to prepare for it. For the Flying, I mean.

I know this is all a very normal, natural process of life, but I guess I thought I had more TIME.

Recently, my oldest child, Matthew, turned 14 and it seemed like, LITERALLY, overnight, we had a different child. It was so sudden, at least for me. After all, he was what I considered my "homebody kid". Out of the 3 of them, he is my most shy and introverted. In fact, he spent the majority of this past summer just hangin' out at home with our new dog, Daisy May. I just didn't expect such a dramatic change, so fast.  

It started with him getting his "own" room. Then wanting to hang out with friends more; then an increase in texting; more time spent on Facebook; more time spent alone. Hmmmm... Something is going on with Matthew. I thought.

Mark & I were recently talking about how fast the kids are growing up, and he reminded me of that old familiar quote: "Parents give their children two great gifts - one is roots, the other is wings." It sparked a conversation between us about this phase in our lives, and how that looks with each one of our children. What we need to do as their parents to give them solid roots and wings. 

And how HARD that is to do in this day and age. How much different the world is than when we were kids. How we WILL falter along the way right along with them because we are learning, too.
And that it is OK to tell them that.

As parents, we all know that someday our children are going to grow up and leave us (as much as we try NOT to think about it, especially for moms). It is simply just a fact of life, and we can't change it. We have to just try very hard to appreciate the moments along the way - to slow down and take it all in. We hope and pray that we somehow fulfill the role of a "good parent"; that we hopefully create productive responsible adults, right?

Maybe even ones that Soar.

I recently pulled out the old scrapbook albums and cried tears of sadness and grief for the quickness of time; how I wish I could just hold Matthew as a baby, completely and utterly safe under MY wings, for just one more hour. 

My tears also fell out of appreciation and remembrance for all the joyful moments we've been blessed with.

But mostly, my tears were for my heartfelt gratefulness and honor to have been apart of all the chapters of his life up until now, as his Mom.

And then the realization hit:  how the next chapter of his life WILL probably fly by even FASTER.
For all of us.

What I know for sure is:  it is our job as their parents to give them roots and wings, as much as it "stings" us. Because they cannot FLY without both, at least not very successfully anyway.

So after my heart mended a bit, I sought out some good wisdom and advice from some dear friends. Barb, who I love to call my "wise mentor friend" shared how much FUN the Next chapter of our lives is going to be. To cherish the old, but WELCOME the new. And she's speaking from the perspective of recently becoming a grandma for the first time.

Then Jami, who has years of experience in not only teaching, but also in coaching, and leading youth groups (and she is also a mom!) shared some very wise, eye-opening, informative advice about this age group that I didn't realize. She helped me face the REALITY of the situation. She helped me see how I CAN move ahead as long as I remain teachable, open, and humble.

I am ashamed to admit after talking to her, how clueless I really am about the "dangers" our kids are facing in this day and age, and how they are facing it at such a younger age than we did.

So what do I do now? That is a good question, isn't it?

For me personally, I will be PRAYING WITHOUT CEASING - It's that simple.
Because I know that Mark & I need A LOT of guidance, wisdom, and support in giving our children  
solid roots and wings. And to TRUST that God IS carrying us, as He always does (because I have a feeling the "teenage" years are going to be rough.)

So I would like to end this post with some words of encouragement for you that I have learned along the way.....

If you are in the same place as me right now, where your heart is breaking because you've had to close a chapter of one of your kids' lives (no matter what age), OR you are closing a different chapter of your own life, and the hurt of letting go keeps you feeling stuck, then I want you to know I UNDERSTAND.

I realize that we ARE going to feel those "stings" along this road of Life as we close chapters. That is just the way it is. But, we then NEED to move onto whatever comes Next with grateful anticipation.
Not sadness over time lost.

To smile because it happened, NOT cry because it's over: TO CHERISH EVERY MOMENT.

The key is (I'm still learning) is to not let the "stings" along the way stop us from enjoying that present, precious moment that will be gone in a BLINK.

So I look forward to this next "chapter" of our lives (sorry Matthew - as the oldest, you get to go first) not with sadness and grief (okay, maybe some still lingers), but rather with anticipation and excitement for what comes Next.