The best birthday ever!

Yesterday at 4:05 p.m. I, Lori Ann Edwards Grade, turned 39 years old! I had always thought I was born around "noonish" until I pulled out my very, very detailed baby book that my Mom so graciously filled out for each one of her children. Wow! What a gift, a treasure!

Priceless.

I guess in having my own babies & focusing on filling out their baby books and scrapbooking every single picture of their lives, I had forgotten about me. About what time I was born. Or what I even weighed. {4 lbs. 14 oz. for those curious minds like mine!}

So easy for us Wives and Mothers out there to do. So, so easy.

Everybody really.

I have been in the middle of what I like to call a "life review." A very, very good thing I might add, and I would suggest highly as a healing "tool." Learned this after reading Jane Fonda's book called My Life So Far.

Doing it especially around or near your birthday is quite healing.

Thankfully, luckily, I wrote down every single thought, feeling, event ... everything! in my Life from the time I was age 15 up until the present moment, literally. {I guess I got this from my mom after all~}

In my cleaning out of closets and "nesting", I came across all of my past journals. I decided to put them in chronological order and then decided to just sit down and read them ... all 40 of them. Just for fun, "old times sake." To fill up my 'midnight wanderings'.

I never quite realized how much writing was and is therapy for me. Words. Spoken and written.

My way of communicating the best way for me. My love language.

Without it, this 'form' of communication of mine, to and from others ... I don't think I would've made it to my 39th birthday.

Seriously. Honestly. Literally.

Yet, I also read through everyone else's notes, cards, poetry & journals in return to me.

It sure was a lot to process, I must tell you.

But oh-so-necessary and the perfect timing. As it always is.

I could, then, begin to see & feel it from a different perspective. Of course, not my own anymore. I had just read through 40 journals of mine and had already done that. I 'got' me. I was trying to understand others and the way the "pieces" all fit together.

Of my Life.

So after a very fun-filled, laugh out loud morning with just Meggie & I {we got our toes 'painted' and shopped and talked}, plus a nap! and a nice family dinner ... singing, cheesecake ... flowers {of course!} plus! ... all of the gifts/cards/facebook messages/well wishes of all kinds~ Thank you for remembering me on my day!

After all, everyone likes to be remembered. Especially on their birthday, in some form or another.

Nothing ever goes unnoticed by me. Never. Trust me~ ;) And yes! I do write it all down.

But, before I left for my "Friends Only" night out to the Safe House {Secret ... shhh! I cannot tell anyone who I met up with ~ The Story ~ not yet, anyways -- I sense another blog post stirring & pics coming too~}, I think I "got" the best birthday gift of them all before I even got to my car door!

All out of the mouth, His question of Why?, of a 12-year old neighbor boy whose Life is in the darkest of valleys. He is in the worst pit of his Life right now. And he had no one else to talk to, but me.

I, literally, had my arms overloaded (like all of the time!) with stuff about to drop, trying to get open the gate, hold my keys ... blah, blah, blah :) and there he was.

I don't believe in anything anymore as just being a coincidence.

Nope. No such thing. Nor luck, either.

I needed to get to my "party" and was running late (oh no! internal panic for Lori!), but I decided to give this boy a moment of my time. Just a moment. That's all it took, really.

And, funny how Life works, how it always seems to come back around full circle.

The advice I gave him is the advice I needed to hear myself by the end of my day ... My Birthday ... and I am sure at the end of his, as well. I hope I answered his question. I did it in the best way I knew how. I sense that I did.

I hope he slept as peacefully as I did last night, finally.

What I learned in my Life is that the best birthday gifts of all sometimes aren't always in the things, or gifts, or time spent with people even.

But in the lessons learned & taught. Those are the best gifts, I must say.

The lessons are the gifts.

And gifts are meant to be shared with others. Always. Passed on. To help others along in their journey.

To be learned from. In order to grow. Evolve. In order to close Chapters of our lives. Move on. Forward. To what Good is coming next.

The "advice" (couldn't help it~ ... went into 'Teacher mode') I gave this young boy, really a "kid" just trying to find his way in Life, just like all of us ... after his question of: Mrs.Grade, but how do I believe in a God who I feel is doing all of this to punish me; to get back at me? was one I knew I needed to hear then myself, and later again, and will have to probably remind myself of up until the day I take my final breath is this:

No, no, no honey!!! ... You have to stop believing all of those lies in your head. God is NOT doing this to you. God loves YOU so, so, so much that He is right there next to you all of the time. Your very best friend in the best of times and the worst of times. Just talk to Him because He, particularly, loves to hear & answer the prayers of His children! He is always listening even when others aren't. God is good. You just have to trust me on that one ok? Because I've, also, walked a very, very similar road to you, almost exactly like you, and I understand. I really, really do. You are not alone. Never forget that. Never.

He nodded his head, his beautiful blue eyes {Ray Liota in the making ;) girls watch out!} connected with mine, off he went on his scooter, off I went to my final birthday "surprise."

To my gifts.

Everyone likes to be ... needs to be ~ heard, seen, and known.

All is well, as it always is, as it always has been, as it always will be.

A very good birthday indeed! ;)

Probably my Best.

I must say a very good way to start my next year, my next Chapter, my next Season of Life, wouldn't you say?

My next Journal.

Maybe I'll go out and buy myself a brand new one and pretty pen~ TODAY! with some of that birthday money I got in the mail! {Thanks Dad!} But first, I will put on my new t-shirt that says Life is good on it & then fill up my Life is good coffee mug all covered in pink hearts with some good stuff! {Thanks Deb!} and head out.

But first, before I go ... I definitely will stop and smell my roses. And give thanks.

And I think I will definitely start my next journal off with the advice that I gave & got back in return to that sweet child ... write it down ... (and probably every one from now on) , as a "reminder" to me to never forget the gift I was given in return on my 39th Birthday ... that flew right out of my own mouth! Ha!

Priceless. Ironic, in a "funny" way. A good way ;)

I will share another lesson with you, in closing, that I learned & believed in a long, long time ago that I truly believe in still to this day . Whole-heartedly. I hope it "gets you thinking" & "processing" ~

"There are 3 things that are never meant to be broken: hearts, toys & promises."

That is just the simple Truth of it all; I love the simple things.

Thank you!, my Readers, my Friends~ for reading my blog first off! but then, also, for your Love & Friendship that you showed me on My day. Thank you for using 1 of your spoons on me.

I am so grateful. Blessed.

Friendship

In the past few days while I have been "chauffeuring" the kids here and there in our last lovely Wisconsin April snowfall/hailstorm {I already know what you Wisconsinites are thinking!}, I was listening to one of my favorite radio stations called k-love.

I love this station because they only play positive and encouraging music.
And I definitely need to fill my mind and heart up with that, especially while I'm driving~

I, particularly, love listening to the conversations the DJ's get into with each other, and of course, the people 'out there' who are listening.
Many times they encourage and challenge me to really think about something in a whole different way. 

They were naturally discussing Jesus and Easter because we are in what Christians call Holy Week.
The radio DJ's were discussing just what Jesus all endured
in just one week's time!

Of course, we all know about His Death & Crucifixion & Resurrection, but what they got me thinking about on a much deeper level was this idea of Friendship.

Naturally, my mind and heart did go to that place of what Jesus must have really truly felt when his closest, dearest friends betrayed Him in the worse possible way...at the worst possible time.

I've been there, too, and I highly doubt that I'm alone in that.

Ouch!

The first betrayal involved the “worst” of the disciples as some might say: Judas, who betrayed Jesus with a "kiss" for thirty pieces of silver for his execution. The second involves Peter, who would deny his connection to Jesus 3 different times out of shame or embarrassment or fear
{who knows right?}

I guess I don't blame them. I would like to think I would've been the bold, brave one to stand up for Jesus, and do the right thing.
Yet, I am now all too familiar with my own shortcomings and weaknesses; areas I need to grow in.

I will admit that I, unfortunately, may have done the exact same thing as them...in those circumstances...at that time in history.

Yet, He was Jesus, God's Son, and therefore, Perfect and showed us how to do it the 'right' way.
Yet He did it so well! I think, and It is so hard to do!

First off, I know Jesus probably did what I would've done, and I have many times when I have felt that all too familiar "sting" of judgment, betrayal, or rejection... and that is to just simply cry.

I imagine it to be like one of those gut-wrenching cries that we would never let anyone see.

Yep! Been there, done that. One too many times.
And it is a tough place to be in.

I realized that I, unfortunately, have gotten stuck in that place; that hasn't served me or others well at all. 

I can so easily imagine and go to "what Jesus must have felt like" when I read what His friends did to Him, but when I look at it from a different vantage point, that being... not my own...

I think, How many times has it been me doing the wounding? {gulp!}

 Yes...I remember how many times it has been I, Lori, who did the 'stinging'...with my words, or the tone of my voice, or just simply my body language.

But what Jesus did so easily and so freely and so Amazingly Well was to simply Forgive.
And He didn't even need to ask Why? a thousand times, like I've always felt the need to.

Jesus just kept on forgiving over and over...as many times as it took... 

In fact, He says we should forgive 70 X 7 times, which if my math skills are serving me correctly, then that means 490 times! Yikes! That's a lot of times.

Now that is hard to do, especially when the wound cuts very, very deep...
and especially when it is from the same person.

With that being said, Jesus never promoted being a "doormat", either. He taught about Balance.

I've had to learn the hard way about this ... there is always a balance to everything.

And what simply Amazes me again - is that when Jesus came out of the grave, when He rose again, He told Mary to go tell His disciples and Peter! Yes...Peter - His friend who denied even knowing Him.

Now that is Forgiveness.
Now that is Love.
Now that is Friendship.

And I think Peter could simply not resist the pull of  Jesus' Love - it was just too hard  to resist! :)

Anyway, when I think back over my Life - to all of my Friends that have come and gone...some already in Heaven... many have stayed awhile... and have taught me lessons that I never would've learned otherwise...
Some I've had to let go for one reason or another; I will always treasure the memories.

Then my heart returns to the present moment, the Here and Now, and I think of all of the people in my Life currently who I like to call Friend...

Or I call them my kindred spirits...or my "team"...my Best Friends...
{male and female alike...young and old...wearing skin or fur...blood relatives and not...'blasts' from the past...wearing white lab coats or not}

And I realize that just like Jesus, they have loved and accepted me for "me"...unconditionally, without judgment. They have extended mercy and grace to me when I didn't deserve it.

They were silent, even when they sensed I may be walking straight into a mistake, yet knew "me" and my heart's intent well enough to know that it was my mistake to make... and my mistake to learn from ... and then my mistake to hopefully grow from.

They forgave me for the times I hurt or disappointed them because they loved me so much.

It is as simple as that.

And I like to call that Friendship.

The real kind. The kind that you can trust wholeheartedly in. The kind where it is safe to share your heart.

The kind that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

I like to think of them all as "gifts" - straight from God Himself from Heaven above straight to me, Lori...
my Friends...

I would like to end this post with this note to my Friends...
{I hope you know who you are!}

Thank you...

Thank you for showing me what true Friendship looks like, and for showing me how to do the job of Friend well.
The kind of friend that I want to be and
the kind of friend I continue to strive to be.

P.S. If you've never tuned into the television show that airs on Lifetime (or you can get past seasons at the library) called Army Wives...then you are truly missing a "gem" of a show about Friendship, plus much, much more!
And yes...I'm talkin' about the real kind!