Dear Sarah...

Today I was the substitute teacher in Luke's 6th-grade class. His teacher was at home with his family, two young boys, and his wife, trying to cope with the loss of their daughter who died in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy.  This is after they lost their baby boy in similar circumstances at the beginning of last summer.

The sad, devastating news have many of us who know them feeling at a loss. I talked with some of the other teachers today, and we just stood there shaking our heads in astonishment and disbelief.

I planned to stay speechless, but I felt that 'nudge' to share my story with one teacher.  I told her that I understood what they were going through because we went through the same thing. I told her Emily's Story, and then how I miscarried twins later that year. Two more miscarriages within that same year almost broke me.

I know, I will be reaching out to Sarah and her family, once again, all in due time. In the meantime, I find myself feeling frustrated with the struggle of,  What am I even going to say to her, even after all I've been through? And then my mind shifts to, How did I make it through that? How do I still manage the loss?

I realize that is what I will say to her. I will tell her about all of it, if she'll listen.

I will tell her about the support group, Mission TLC, which I attended for months at Elmbrook Church to help me heal.  I will talk about the friendships I would never have made otherwise.  I will give her the list of books, bible studies and songs that helped me the most.  I will share with her how keeping a journal was my solace. I will tell her how we memorialize Emily with a rose garden, crocheted blanket, balloons and a garden stone as part of the grieving process.  I will share with her that the roller coaster of emotions that come with the staggering stages of grief will eventually come to an end.

Acceptance.

I'd say that's a pretty good place to be.  She will get there, too.

I will share with Sarah my most precious prayers that I prayed in order to keep on breathing: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." ~Psalm 27:13 and "Be still and know that I am God." ~ Psalm 46:10. Somehow, I needed to get that last one stenciled on my bedroom wall so I wouldn't forget it :)

Most importantly, I think what she needs to hear about is my walk of faith....God's love and faithfulness to me.  That through it all, hope was never out of my reach.  I believed that He was good no matter what my circumstances.  I will tell her how my faith was challenged like never before. And then, I will tell her how long I was angry at God and how healing it was for me to let Him know.

I will tell her that she can overcome this.

But for tonight, as she lays her head on her tear-stained pillow, and with a heavy heart, I would like her and her family to know:  

Dear Sarah~
May you feel the Lord's presence and comfort tonight like never before. You are not alone, not ever.  Let the love of God and your loved ones carry you through this difficult time because I can tell you that it will.  You are loved beyond measure by our everlasting Father.  Each day will get easier, but the hurt will always remain. He will teach you how to live with it.  I can promise you that you will smile again. God bless you, your husband and precious children, both here and in heaven.
~Lori

Answered Prayer

Today I was assigned the job of "carpool mom" in charge of transporting five very rambunctious, high energy, prepubescent and smelly (for real!) boys to a skate park they like to frequent often. When I dropped them off I said something like, "I'm going to be praying for you guys to be safe." Luke is so used to me saying stuff like this that he was already headed to the park. One of the other boys stopped what he was doing, looked at me and said, "Does that ever work? Have you ever seen that happen?"

Honestly, I was a little taken off guard by this deep, soulful question, coming from this young boy all but twelve-years of age. I answered immediately without thinking, "Absolutely, it works. I've seen it happen many times." I had wanted to say more, but off he went to play. I would've liked more time to explain myself further. Or maybe I didn't need to.

So, on the ride home I got to thinking about this thing called prayer and this boy's simple, yet honest question. What he was really asking me... Can I trust God? I started thinking about what I would say to him if he asks again. I started to reflect on my own life and when my prayers have been answered.

And when they haven't.

When the questions come, I will tell him that God answers my prayers every single day when my family comes home safe and sound. And that's just the beginning. I will tell him of two examples in recent months when God answered my prayers for a cancer-free diagnosis for my loved ones. I will also tell him of the times when my prayers have been answered with a "maybe" or a "no" or a "wait." I will tell him how my faith has been my rock all of my life, through it all.

This boy is a person I would call a "wise soul." There is just something 'special' about these kinds of people. My daughter is one of them; they just are wise beyond their years and very intuitive. I suspect more questions are going to come.

Well, I've known him for years, and I know he's dealing with some pretty tough family issues. The same issues I've dealt with. Deal with. My heart just breaks for him; we help whenever we can. Then I remember with gratitude all of the adults that were coincidentally "placed" in my life at just the "right time" throughout my 41-years. More answered prayer. How easy it is to miss it.

I feel better knowing he'll be taken care of, too.

I've heard it said that all it takes is one person in an abused child's life to make a difference in how that child turns out. I know this to be true. My hope is that with my quick, to-the-point answer that he 'got' my resounding, "Yes!"