Our gifts ... In Honor of

As promised from a recent blog post of mine, I have finally sorted through some very weird technical issues on my end so that I am now able to share the images and music that tell Our Story.

What I have learned about myself recently is that although I have a "way with words" and that I best express myself in writing, and even out loud, that there are many times when I don't really know what I mean so I don't know what to say.

Or I feel liked I've attempted to explain myself in every which way I can, but I still often feel misunderstood.

That is where "images" and "music" and "lyrics" and "inspirational people" and other people's words in blog format come into play. Sort of to help me along in my journey through Life.

I am so very thankful for these gifts. That is what I like to call them, in any case.

Tomorrow marks the ten year birth & death of our daughter, Emily Rose Grade, who never took one breath here on earth. She was "due" July 9th. No cause of death was ever found. We never got an answer to our question of Why?

I've come to realize in the past year that I  don't even need or want an "answer" anymore. 

And although her life was very, very "short," she also has a Story worth telling. 

Please click here to read this beautiful tribute to our baby written from the loving, compassionate, thoughtful heart of a friend.

And then also please click here to read what another Mom has learned through her own loss and suffering, but has so graciously been able to put into words much better than I ever could have; what it is I've been trying to say all of this time. 

I, essentially, am the only one who really got to know Emily, as it was my body that God used as a vessel to bring forth her Life and Death.

What I find most interesting is just how many lessons I learned from her, in her "short" life, in her life in my womb.

A life that never lived one day on this earth. A life that never breathed one breath of air.

But the impact of a life that has changed the course of the next generation leaves me in a place of awe.

Emily's life taught me irreplaceable, life lessons that have shaped me, her Mother, into who I am today.

Who I know I wouldn't be if never got to know her like I did.

The lessons that continue to grow me and teach me into who I am meant to be, strive to be.

The biggest, most important lesson of all, though, is something I know is very important to share with all of you ~ one we all so easily take for granted and miss. The moments just fly on by, sometimes without us even noticing.

Please take with you from me this important nugget of truth that I have learned. I hope you tuck it close to your heart and remember.

Every single moment of Your Life matters.

It really, really does.

But more importantly, it is learning how not to take any one of those moments for granted.

Or waste them.

Nor one day. Nor one person in your Life. Nor one opportunity to make a difference in the world. Nor one moment to make a wrong into a right.

Don't put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today.

Don't put off until tomorrow telling those you love them that you do.

Don't put off until tomorrow forgiving those whom you need to forgive.

Don't put off until tomorrow living & enjoying your life ... the gift that it is to the world.

For the past nine years every time I see the red, white, & blue colors and seeing Our Flag flying high, I would always feel that old familiar "sting" to my wounded, scarred heart although at the same time I understood the meaning of it all - my freedoms and my thankfulness very present within.

But the reality of it all is that it has also been a reminder to me of what was lost.

Not just a child. Not just a sibling for our children. But the dream.

So this year as that "date" comes again, as it always will ... Tomorrow! ~ July 4th Independence Day ~ I learned and realized that the "energy did change" to this good place of Honoring Her ... Emily Rose.

Her Life. Her Story.

All told through mine ... Ours.

Her Day - the day she met Jesus. The day she went to her eternal Home was and is a day worth Celebrating!

And I just can't help feeling something called Joy this year, instead of only sadness and gut-wrenching pain because I fully know & accept that there will always be hurt, but I am at this place of something called bittersweet when I think of our baby.

But this year, I am feeling so much more of the sweet {Thanks Oprah!}

And that is a really good thing.

It is called faith. The real kind. The kind that truly knows & believes that all is truly well and good, without any doubt and without the need to ask any more questions.

What better time than now, as this decade comes to a close for us, as we move onto the next Season of our Lives, but especially for me, Lori, to finally! be at this really good place of looking at The Flag and The Colors ... all of these signs and reminders and wonders from God ... and Smile! big inside and out because they also, much more importantly, remind me of something much much grander and oh-so-good ~

That is something called Love.

God's Love for me. 

With humble gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation for the gift I was given ... Emily's life ... my time spent with her, and for the good that God brought out of it all, I will not be looking down anymore, but rather I will be looking Up! and lifting my hands even higher to the One who deserves all the Honor and Glory and Praise.

Thank you, as always, for reading my blog and for always passing along the love, support, prayer, encouragement, friendship and kindness to me, Mark, our family, especially at this time of year.

My hope is that in reading my blog, listening to the music and viewing the pictures that you also will take away some lessons all taught through a beautiful, precious, perfect little dark brown haired girl named Emily Rose. She came very softly and quietly into our lives, and left us in the same way. She left something behind called a Legacy that will always live on through us.

Thank you for remembering our Emily each year amongst your July 4th holiday plans ~ dear friends and family ~ because we do know that you haven't forgotten. That she still is and always will be remembered and honored by so many of you.

To watch and enjoy this video sung by Selah called I Will Carry You, please hit "pause" of my music player first.

{I dedicate this one to you, Emily Rose Grade, dear Daughter of ours in Heaven,

In Honor of You. Your Story. Your Life. 
~Thank you~

Love always; until we meet again, your Momma}

Our niece, Elizabeth Aurelia Edwards

Mark's promotion to Fire Captain

Luke & Grandpa John

St. John's Military Academy

Megan & I at her cheerleading competition

Jimmy ... my curious blue-eyed boy ... always into mischief

Matthew & I ~ 8th Grade graduation

Jonathan & Luke ... cousins & friends

Daisy May just after she was at the groomers, looking pretty darn happy!

Family

Love & Friendship

Summer is here & so are the ticks

I think that if you've been following my Story along through my blog or otherwise that you've realized I am very passionate about the subject of Lyme disease. Most importantly, I am all about prevention. This disease is a serious problem and it isn't just a "small" one confined to a select few states in the Midwest. It is essentially everywhere, all over the world. It is an epidemic in the United States and thought to be the fastest growing infectious disease in this country. It is also one of the most complicated diseases to diagnose, test, and treat. Thousands of cases are improperly diagnosed or missed altogether.

After a recent dentist visit and the questions that arose about my medical history and Lyme disease, I realized that it was time for me to write about a very important topic to me. The safe removal of a tick and early detection.

Because that is where it all begins really.

With summer finally arriving!!, so have the deer ticks, unfortunately. They are what transmit to humans and animals the spirochetal bacteria infection of Lyme disease, Borrelia burgdoferi, when they bite & burrow their head into our skin. Plus, there are over three hundred species of borrelia that are known to exist worldwide. If you have Lyme disease, you also have to contend with coinfections.

They are now finding out that flees, mosquitoes, and mites also carry the infection.

It is a blood-borne infection that is transmitted like any other one, including ones like HIV and Hepatitis. That means it is sexually transmitted, as well as passed along through pregnancy and breastfeeding. They don't filter through donated blood at Blood Centers for Lyme disease before it is transfused.

Our kids have a 50% chance of having it.




Most ticks don't carry diseases, and most bites don't cause serious health problems, but it is important to be knowledgeable and aware of how to remove a tick as soon as you find it to help you avoid contacting Lyme disease in the first place.

It is much more easily treatable if it is caught early. I cannot stress this enough. I had it for so many years before I got properly diagnosed that it has become chronic for me. Incurable, essentially. It has created such havoc on my body that I, also, have three autoimmune diseases that have come along with it.

There are many "ideas" about the best way to remove a tick, one of the most common tricks being to light it up with a match! (I understand ~... trust me! ... you are thinking: "Burn that sucker!" right? They are pretty creepy!) However, even being married to a Firefighter for the past 16 years, I would strongly suggest NOT using this method. The truth is, this can and probably will only increase your chance for infection because you could end up releasing the icky fluid right into your body! Exactly what you do not want to do.

Same goes for "smothering" the tick with petroleum jelly, nail polish, rubbing alcohol or the like.

When you return home from areas where ticks might live, carefully examine your skin and scalp for ticks. Check your pet & kids, too, especially babies. Be diligent about looking at hard to reach places where one wouldn't commonly notice a bite. Ticks can be so small that it is even hard to see them. In fact, they can be as small as the size of a sesame seed! This makes it very hard to tell if you even removed its head or not.

So here is my list of "steps" of removing a tick:

1. Use a fine pointed tweezers and grab the tick's head firmly as close to the skin as possible where the bite is. Remember to wear latex gloves when doing this. Don't grab it around its body. If you don't have a tweezers, then put on gloves or cover your hands with tissue paper, then use your fingers. Do not handle the tick with bare hands ever.
2. Gently pull the tick straight out until its mouth lets go of your skin. Do not twist or "unscrew" the tick. This may separate the tick's head from its body and leave parts of its mouth in your skin.
3. It is critical to NOT squeeze the tick body at any time -- this can inject more potential pathogens into you.
4. Look at the tick in your tweezers to ensure all feet, body and head are in place. 
5. Cleanse the skin with mild soap and water.You can then apply antibiotic ointment if you wish.
6. Put the tick in a jar of alcohol or a ziplock bag for later identification if necessary.

After you've done all of this, the more important thing to pay extremely close attention to is how you are feeling physically in the next few weeks because the early "symptoms" of Lyme disease can be mild and easily overlooked. The high majority of people don't even remember the famous "bull's-eye rash" or even getting bit! (yes, that's me!)

Symptoms of infection may include:

• Pain, swelling, redness, or warmth around the area.
• Red streaks leading from the area.
• Pus draining from the area.
• Swollen lymph nodes in the neck, armpit, or groin.
• Fever or chills.

If you have a rash, headache, joint pain, fever, or flu-like symptoms, this could mean you have an something going on related to a tick bite. If you have any of these symptoms, call your doctor.

The usual treatment is a round of antibiotics initially for a few weeks. Unfortunately, most times the antibiotic isn't used long enough, or it isn't the right one. Or like for me, they didn't help at all.

The bacteria can go dormant, traveling from your blood to your organs and tissues. Not good.

If you or someone you know experiences a tick bite, I would be happy to pass along some recommendations I have of health care practitioners that I feel are knowledgeable and well-trained in diagnosing, testing & treating Lyme disease. It is a very complicated and complex disease, even for practitioners.

I hope this information only helps you have a fun and safe summer, and doesn't scare you to death of ticks, mosquitoes, and creepy-crawly things or even Lyme disease! :)

P.S: {added 7/10/11} Please click here to read an article that the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel had in their paper, which I found very interesting and helpful to pass along my readers, especially if you live in Wisconsin!

His gifts

I have been a little "late" with my blog posts (which is really a good thing for me!) but this one, although late, is dedicated to all of the Fathers out there who I personally know and appreciate and am thankful to have in my Life. Here is a shout out to you for a job well done! For doing the very best you can.

Better late than never right?

I,  recently, have had the rare pleasure of having some really good heart-to-heart conversations with more than a few of human being "male" persons, instead of my usual females in all "communication" forms.

I must say, it has been quite interesting, intriguing, and fun!

At one point last week, I was actually the only female standing out in our backyard among 8 males. I decided to have a seat and just observe. It was quite interesting I must tell you!

The many laugh out loud belly laughs I had were good. Really, really good for me.

I've chatted with males from all walks of Life ... kids in the neighborhood ... peers of my children ... my own sons ... family members ... a widower ... single guys and divorced ... dating ... looking to date ... single Fathers ... those married with children and those without ... and of course, to my very own husband, Mark.
{I sure have been quite busy huh? Actually, I've been doing a lot more listening than anything else ... REALLY! ... no writing~}

I even got to sit down for a few hours with a married Father who was beyond ready to leave his Wife and wanted my advice. {yikes ... what to say? gulp~}

I sort of knew that all he really wanted me to do was just listen. I realized he wasn't really asking me what he should do, per se, but rather I think he just wanted someone to understand what he was going through. To know that he wasn't alone in the world. To know that there is such a thing as Hope.

After all, he was in the deepest, darkest valley of his Life sitting there at our back patio table.

And looking for answers to some of life's hardest questions.

Mark was there, too, plus all of the kids flying around here & there. He, also, was doing pretty much the same thing as I. Nodding. Asking a few questions from time to time.

Listening. Just being there. Present.  

I have been pleasantly surprised at how much  "information" that I have been able to gather by just being still.

There is so much that I did not know!, or quite "get", and I have 3 right underneath my nose! {Well, if counting the animals then we have a total of 5!} I've even "observed" their behavior. So strange ... the "same" thing happens between my cats ~ all this "wrestling" going on all of the time in every room of our house. Huh?!

And it always leads to some very strange, bizarre noises! From males and cats alike. Essentially, a fight. Always.

But, apparently, I learned this is how males show affection?! Yah, I don't quite "get" that one really ~ ;)

Plus, I grew up with a Dad and a younger brother that I learned so much from.

Mark & I had been doing a type of "study" together in recent months. He was reading "For Men Only" and I was reading "For Women Only" by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn .... just to sort of help us understand each other better to move onto the next Season of our Lives.

A few weeks back in my cleaning and organizing, I came across his book laying around and decided to read it, just for curiosity sake. 

I figured that maybe I would learn something about myself. More about him.

Us.

And I sure did. But more importantly, I learned that we really have more similarities than differences, in the big scheme of things.

I learned that that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" only holds so much weight.

I just always assumed that men lived on a different "planet" than I. I'm sure for a fact that Mark has thought the same thing about me! Probably more so! I honestly believe males do go to a different planet sometimes (they are called caves or dens or whatever), but I learned that going to their planet isn't such a bad thing after all. 

Necessary. Critical. Needed.

They are just "wired" differently ... designed by a perfect God. With a perfect plan. A perfect Design.

What I do know for sure is that after reading the two books and processing all of my time spent with various males, is that they, also, just want what everybody wants.

To feel loved. Known and loved anyway.

The best thing of all, though, is to believe in it whole-heartedly. Without a doubt. None.

That's called Trust. The real kind.

I say Yes! to that.

Of course, I needed to add the "visuals" to complete the story. Without them, the pictures taken and the music, the Story just doesn't feel complete.

However, due to "technical" issues {always and of course! and NOT my fault!}, I am unable to share any of those with you just yet. So, please stay tuned!

All in due time.

What I will share with you now in closing is that what I see from behind the camera is one very happy guy! ... and kids! ... but what he doesn't see (I don't think?!) and quite realize is just how happy the girl is, also, ... his Wife ... who is takin' the picture of all of them because of the gift she got first.

Love.

Don't you just love that word? I sure do!

Simple & sweet.

God is good and faithful ... all of the time.
{You'll just have to trust me on that one ok? ;)}

I hope you made some really good Father's Day memories, ones that you will keep close to your heart for always.

I know I did.

Thank you, first and foremost, to my Dad for a better than job well done. And for all of the advice, spoken or not, inadvertently passed onto me or through someone else ... I was always watching, listening and learning. :) Still am. Probably always will. There is just this "thing" about girls and their Dad's. :)

Probably all females. We really, truly, do remember (& keep track of) everything!! Some, like me, actually write it all down.

And, then, of course, to the Father of my own children, Mark ... my Husband.

Thank you~ - those two simple words - for all that you've done for me, us, our family just don't seem quite adequate enough for all that needs to be said.

Some things are better felt with the heart.

And yes! all of it leaves me quite speechless. And that's a good thing!
{But, only sometimes! ... I can't stay quiet for long!} ;)

Thank you for reading my blog and for following Our Story.

I hope you "stay tuned." :)

Because, by now I think you can all agree with us~ ... that there is never a dull moment at the Grade's!