My Mother's Eulogy

I think that I know and have heard every single song that Elvis Presley wrote or sang. I'm pretty sure that I saw every movie that he was ever in. When I was a teenager, I even read his ex-wife's book to learn about their Story. 

And it was quite a Story, yet so very sad. Sort of like my Mom's Story. 

Sort of like my very own.

My Mom simply adored this King of Rock n' Roll. 

She just connected with him in some very deep, soul kind of way.

My mom even had a room in her final earthly home "dedicated" to him ... pictures and memorabilia ... all her collectibles of him and his Life; we called it The Elvis Room and still do.
My sister and I "take turns" sleeping in that room. It brings me comfort and peace sleeping in there, as I suspect it does for her too.

Sadly, my Mom never got to see the one place in the entire world that I know would've made her the happiest, and that being Graceland. 

As a child our home was constantly filled with Elvis music and many other "oldies but goodies" blasting from the record player or tape deck ... music just filled up our home ... and many, many times I'd catch my mom singin' right along ... while she took care of her Home, and all of us ... her Family.

And she was doing it all in the best way she knew how ... in the only way she knew how ... in the only way she was shown and learned herself.

Now that I am so much "older and wiser" ... the Wife of Mark for the past 16 years ... a few bumps under my belt ... plus the privilege of being called Mom myself, I have a whole new understanding and appreciation for what she was trying  to teach me so long ago ~

I can now see all of the sacrifices she made of herself for us, especially to my Dad. She loved him with her whole being. She served him in some way, in some fashion right up until her death. But more importantly, I can now appreciate the sacrifices she made for me ...

her Daughter. 

The one child of hers that she knew she hurt the most, and so did I. 

I was the one child of their "4" that she knew that she wounded in the deepest possible way, and so did I. 

I was the one child out of her living 3 that she felt she had fallen too far for me to love or forgive.

I was so angry at her when I sat on her death bed; I looked her straight in the eyes; I asked her boldly if she had any regrets. The silence was long and hard for me to bare because in my heart I knew what I wanted to hear, but sort of already knew what was coming. 

Her answer of No.

That wasn't at all what I was hoping to hear by any means. I didn't get the answer I was needing or hoping for or wanting; neither did she. I held back and so did she. We both felt it. We both knew. We both shut down.

Words didn't need to be spoken at all.

All I wanted to hear, all I needed to hear ... she didn't say.

She just couldn't get the words out; and neither could I. 

She probably couldn't after what cancer and its treatments did to her physical body, plus what the battle of alcoholism raging in her body did to her mind, heart, and soul.  

She wasn't a healthy woman by any means. And neither was I.

But on a much deeper level, my Mom just couldn't say those words I needed to hear so desperately because she needed to hear them, too, from me, her middle Child ... her Daughter. 

I can now see and appreciate how much I was truly loved and accepted by her. 

I now know what we both needed that day to be said; the words that were left unsaid. 

The words that would've freed us both then, but instead, I got freed two years later. 

She had gotten freed immediately when she took her final breath.

And I know for sure that if I had a chance for a re-do with her, knowing what I know now, living through what I have lived through since her death, that I definitely would have done it in this way instead ... sort of in an "Elvis kind of way" ~

I would've grabbed hold of that woman, my Mother, all 80 pounds of her ... and I would've clung to that empty shell of a human being. And then I would've looked straight into her big beautiful blue eyes, eyes that held so much misunderstood sadness & pain, and I would've said loudly and clearly in my loud, fast talkin', passionate kind of way ... these words that we both needed to say and hear to Heal ...

I LOVE YOU... I FORGIVE YOU ...

It is okay ... I am going to be okay ... just go! Be free!

Live!

I couldn't say these words to her back then on her death bed, nor at her Memorial Service because my heart wasn't in the right place, but it is now. 

This really good place of being able to Honor and Celebrate Her Life.

So today when I think of my Mom who is in Heaven, I have a 'word picture' now of her that I choose to focus on ... to treasure ... to cherish that memory, instead of all of the old ones. 

I've let those go a long time ago.

I have this "image" of her smiling, happy, boisterous self ... singin' right along with this Elvis' tune and of course! ...  this just has to be added in ... after all, I am talkin' about Karen Edwards here ... 

She is definitely shakin' her hips, drinkin' her beer & smokin' those darn cigarettes!

But most importantly, the thing that stands out the most for me in that image
is the  

Light in her eyes and the Smile on her face!

Now that is a good picture I chose to keep close to my heart until we meet again.

If you happened to have been in my Mom's Life in some way then you were given a very rare precious gift to be treasured forever. 

She was one very special Lady that is truly missed each day.

So in Honor of Her, this Day, in Celebration of her Life ... I will end this post ... my Eulogy to my Mom, Karen Aurelia Edwards, with these words ~

Thank You!
Happy Mother's Day!

In Loving Memory of Karen Aurelia Edwards 12/14/46 - 5/4/07

To read the full obituary please click here.